


The Grief That Does Not Speak

by RuntotheForest



Series: Forged in Fire [2]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/M, Injury Recovery, New Relationship, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuntotheForest/pseuds/RuntotheForest
Summary: Ellie and Alec deal with physical and emotional fallout from their harrowing day (as described in "Seventeen Suits and A Beacon")
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Series: Forged in Fire [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048102
Comments: 179
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first 'series', or 'sequel', or whatever you want to call it. It helps to have read "Seventeen Suits and A Beacon", as that puts the whole story in context, but I imagine you can still appreciate this one without it (but why?). ;-) I'm on Tumblr as 'sorrybrian'.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie attempts to get Alec to actively participate in his own care, with varying levels of success. Other complications arise.

Alec Hardy’s phone buzzed noisily against his nightstand just as he was beginning to drift off to sleep. His eyes jolted open and he glared at the brightness of the screen. He answered it without looking at the caller ID.

“Yeah.” His voice was gruff and groggy.

“Did I wake you?” 

It was Ellie. He looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was close to midnight, which under normal circumstances would be considered early for bed (if he even went to bed at all), but since he had been recovering from a gunshot wound suffered almost a week earlier, he found himself too tired to read or even to watch the telly. Unfortunately, despite his fatigue, sleep wasn’t coming easily. 

After spending two nights at Ellie’s house, partially to avoid the press (which is what she told everyone), and partially so she could look after him (which was closer to the actual reason), this was his first night back home alone, and after a few hours of squirming in his bed to try and find a comfortable position, he had finally started to doze.

“I _did_ wake you, didn’t I?”

“Just barely.”

“Feeling all right?”

“Don’t know how to answer that.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She sighed in frustration.

“If you’re taking the good drugs they gave you, you would feel no pain.”

“Not takin’ that.”

“Stubborn git.”

“Makes me feel all…fuzzy.”

“Better to feel fuzzy than to suffer in unnecessary pain.”

Silence.

“Tell me you’re not on the couch, at least.”

“I’m not.”

“I’m coming over in the morning to make sure you’re not collapsed in a heap on the floor, and to bring you some breakfast. And to make certain you eat it.”

Alec cleared his throat.

“I welcome that.”

Ellie giggled shyly. 

“I kind of miss you already,” she said.

He could hear the smile in her voice. He was tired, and his side hurt, but he felt the warmth of her words.

“Likewise.”

He felt himself smiling in the dark.

“Call me if you need anything.”

“M’ fine.”

“You sure?”

“Ellie.”

“Fine. Sleep well, then.”

“Mmkay. You too.”

There was a slightly awkward pause.

“I love you, you big knob.”

He chuckled, regretting it as soon as he felt the jabbing pain in his side, but not wanting to let on.

“Soppy,” he muttered. “Love you too, Miller.”

“We’re so bloody romantic,” laughed Ellie.

“Or something.”

“Goodnight, then. Remember, call if you need – “

“I’m hanging up now. G’night, Ellie.”

He ended the call with a grin, knowing that she was smiling too.

\--------

The next morning, Ellie threw together eggs and toast for her boys, then packed some into a container, and headed to Alec’s house on the hill to take him his portion. She whistled tunelessly as she used the key he had given her, knocking twice before entering, as they had agreed she would.

She was dismayed to find him seated on the couch, looking disheveled and exhausted. She went and sat next to him, laying her hand on his arm.

“You didn’t sleep?” It was a question, but she already knew the answer.

Alec shook his head and rubbed at his eyes.

“Nah.” His voice was low and gravelly.

“You didn’t take the pain meds?”

He shook his head again, this time silently.

“You are the most stubborn, ridiculous man I have ever known!”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Seriously, Alec. Why is this even an issue?”

He didn’t answer, staring straight ahead, refusing to look at her.

“Listen, if you take the bloody medication, you won’t be hurting, you’ll be able to sleep, and you’ll never even know if you feel - how did you say it made you feel? Fuzzy?” 

He looked at her, then looked down, still not responding. She continued, undaunted.

“You won’t give a damn about how you feel because you’ll be bloody sleeping!! You can’t heal if you don’t get rest. We talked about this.”

He nodded reluctantly.

“I thought we agreed that you were going to try and take better care of yourself. You know I can’t handle it when you don’t.” She took his hand in hers. “Seriously, Alec. We didn’t go through all that shit with Warren Redmond just so you could die later because you’re too bloody stubborn to take care of yourself like any _normal_ person would!”

“You’re being dramatic. M’ not dying.”

“No, not at the moment, but give me a chance.”

He cracked the tiniest of smiles, barely perceptible at one corner of his mouth.

“Sweet talker,” he mumbled.

“Wanker.”

She kissed his cheek and stood up.

“I’m going to make tea. Shall I bring your pain medication along with the tea?”

“Ellie.”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

Much to Ellie’s chagrin, Alec again remained silent. She sighed and rolled her eyes, then disappeared into the kitchen. Several minutes later, she emerged holding two mugs, setting them on the coffee table in front of him. He eyed her dubiously.

“I’m going to find your meds.” She put up a hand as he opened his mouth to protest. “Don’t say a word. I don’t want to hear it.”

He frowned obstinately.

“I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one. Honestly, I don’t know what your problem is with this.”

She stalked off, vanishing into the hallway, leaving Alec glaring after her. She returned several moments later, victoriously holding a prescription bottle.

“Eureka!” she said with a cheery grin. She sat beside him, popped open the bottle, and extracted two pills. “Take these,” she said, offering the tablets on her palm. 

“Ellie, I don’t – “

She shook her head briskly.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. There is no reason for you _not_ to take this medication that the bloody doctor _prescribed_ for the pain he knew you’d have because you were _shot_! A bloody _bullet_ went through your body. What do you think you’re going to do, tough it out? Grit your teeth through the pain? Not sleep so your body has no strength to repair itself? Brilliant plan, by the way.”

Alec sighed through his nose.

“I’m sorry.”

“If you’re sorry, take these.” She moved her palm closer to his face. “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me - I don’t want to spend all day worrying about you. I love you, God knows why, but you’re being a pain in the arse. You’re creating layers of stress that neither of us needs right now. _Please_ , Alec _._ ”

He closed his eyes and gave a slight nod.

“All right.”

She exhaled in relief, then leaned in and kissed him sweetly. He took the tablets from her, popped them in his mouth, and washed them down with tea.

“Thank you.” She brushed his cheek lightly with her fingertips. "I promise I’ll leave before they kick in and you get all loopy and cheeky.”

Alec smirked.

“You’d probably like that.”

Ellie giggled a bit.

“I must admit, seeing your carefully constructed barriers come crashing down is quite entertaining.” 

“Well, I’m glad I amuse you,” he said drily. 

“I am endlessly amused by you, Alec Hardy – that is, if I’m not pulling my hair out in frustration.”

He looked at her dolefully with those soulful brown eyes, and her heart swelled with the need to fiercely protect and care for this man who so stubbornly refused to care for himself. 

She reached for the container with his breakfast.

“Eat something, and then I’ll leave you in peace to snooze the day away.”

She popped open the container, and Alec eyed the eggs suspiciously.

“Just have a couple of bites and eat the toast. Honestly Hardy, you’re worse than Fred.”

He dutifully swallowed a few forkfuls of egg, and nibbled on half a slice of toast. After he finished, he ran a hand over his face and leaned back.

“Ellie, I’m trying. I know I can be a right bastard sometimes.”

“Yes, but you’re _my_ right bastard.”

That got a real smile out of him, finally.

\----------------

After about 20 minutes, Ellie could tell the medication was starting to take effect. Alec’s perpetual frown relaxed, and his eyes began to droop. She helped him lie down and stretch out on the sofa, and tucked a blanket around him.

“I’ll be back later this afternoon. Sleep well.”

“Only if l dream of you,” he said thickly.

“There’s that cheeky bloke again,” she grinned, then leaned down to kiss him softly.

“Mmm…stay with me, Ellie.”

She brushed his hair away from his forehead.

“Just close your eyes, love. I’ll be back before you know it.”

His eyes fluttered shut almost immediately. Ellie watched over him for a few minutes until his breathing slowed and she was sure he was asleep, then she quietly slipped out, locking the door behind her.

\------------------

Ellie spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon at CID, beginning the arduous paperwork process for the Warren Redmond incident, which was now merged with the Jessica Wilton case. The evidence that Alec and Ellie had collected at the Redmond estate had been analyzed as hair and a fingernail belonging to Jessica Wilton, who Alec and Ellie had suspected was raped by Warren’s son Roman and killed by Warren himself. That evidence was the reason why the Redmonds had plotted to kill Alec and Ellie after forcefully detaining them both and taking the evidence from them. But everything had gone horribly wrong, as Roman had pulled out a handgun, Alec had attempted to wrest it from him, and was shot in the scuffle. Ellie had been forced to defend their lives by hitting Roman in the head with a tire iron, killing him. That had started a harrowing chain of events that commenced with Ellie dragging Alec, bloodied and weakened, for miles to escape Warren, and ended with a half-dead Alec killing Warren as he held a gun to Ellie’s head, mere seconds away from pulling the trigger.

That was the moment Ellie especially wanted to forget.

Ellie had spent the past week worrying about Alec, which kept her from thinking too much about last week’s events. She was not, under any circumstance, glad that Alec had been badly injured, but she was strangely grateful that she didn’t have to focus solely on the memory of that very long, emotionally trying day.

Her romantic relationship with Alec was new as well, forged out of years of adversarial friendship, respect, and mutual tragedy that had somehow turned into love. The relationship was so fresh that it was as yet unknown to everyone in their lives, and Ellie knew they had to come up with a plan to somehow reveal it.

God, there were so many things to think about…

_But one thing at a time._

After grabbing a stack of paperwork to take home (and some to share with Alec), she treated herself to a late lunch in a café on the high street, and grabbed a takeaway sandwich for Alec.

She pulled up to his house at nearly 3:00 in the afternoon. She knocked softly twice (so as not to wake him if he was still sleeping), then immediately put her key in the lock – but the door wasn’t locked, and the doorknob easily turned open, setting her nerves instantly on edge. She opened the door far enough so she could peer around and quickly survey the situation. 

Alec was still asleep on the couch. That was a relief.

Still standing at the door, she heard some clattering from the direction of the kitchen. She quietly closed and latched the front door, then tiptoed toward the kitchen to find the source of the noise. Peeking around the door jamb, she was startled to see a dark-haired woman at the sink, filling a large pot with water. Ellie involuntarily gasped, and the woman turned toward her in surprise, dropping the pot into the sink with a metallic crash. The two women gaped at each other wordlessly.

The woman standing in front of her was not a threat - but she was also not particularly welcome. 

Ellie swallowed her surprise, regained her composure, then spoke:

"What are you doing here, Tess?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I respond to all comments, and love receiving them!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tess and Ellie have a 'discussion'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I've included Tess. This was a fun chapter to write!

The two women stood looking at each other awkwardly.

“Tess, why are you here?” Ellie asked again, folding her arms defiantly across her chest.

Alec’s ex-wife gave a slightly sheepish smile, and brushed a lock of hair from her eyes.

“I heard about what happened on the news, and read about it in the papers. My CS told me about it as well.” She cleared her throat. “Then Daisy called me.”

Ellie’s eyebrow raised. She had been in touch with Daisy the entire time Alec was in the hospital. Alec had insisted that she not interrupt her term at uni in London, but they had talked several times, and Daisy had been completely updated on her father’s status.

“Daisy told you to come?”

“Not exactly,” Tess admitted. “She just mentioned she was worried about her dad, and that he’s not the greatest at taking care of himself.”

“So, you thought you needed to come down here yourself? You didn’t think there was anyone here who could look after him without your help?”

Ellie fought to keep the accusatory tone from her voice. She could tell from Tess’s expression she had not been successful.

“I didn’t know what his circumstance was,” Tess said defensively.

“Did you call and ask if he needed you?”

“No. He wouldn’t admit it even if he did.”

That part was undoubtedly true. But he most certainly wouldn’t ever want Tess’s help, would he?

“Still,” Ellie said, “it’s rather presumptuous of you to show up here with no warning, let yourself in – wait, how did you get in anyway?”

Tess shifted uncomfortably and looked at her feet.

“I made a copy of Daisy’s key.”

“You must be joking.” 

Tess shook her head. Ellie glared at her.

“Does he know you’re here?” she demanded.

“No, he’s been asleep since I got here, maybe an hour and a half ago. I was going to make something to eat in case he was hungry when he woke up.”

“Not necessary,” said Ellie coolly, “I brought him a sandwich. You really don’t need to be here at all. I’ve got it covered.”

Tess raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Is _that_ how it is now?”

Ellie scoffed.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but whatever it is, I’m sure it’s none of your business.”

“Oh, but it is my business. Not only was I married to him for 14 years, but – “

“You’re not married anymore,” Ellie interrupted. “You made your choice. You can’t have it both ways.”

Tess ignored her.

“But he is also Daisy’s father, and I won’t have – “

Ellie seethed.

“Daisy is an adult now,” she hissed. “You can no longer use her as a bargaining chip, because her relationship with Alec is entirely up to her. And that probably drives you crazy, since you no longer have an excuse to try and reel Alec back in at your whim.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Why do you do it, Tess? Do you still love him, really? Do you feel guilty because you literally destroyed his life and health? Or do you just refuse to let him move on without you? Which is it?”

Tess looked Ellie up and down.

“Are you saying he’s moved on?” she sniffed indignantly. “With you?”

Ellie tried to keep her face impassive.

“You’ll have to ask him that. If you truly care what he thinks about anything.”

Tess exhaled loudly and smoothed her hair.

“Look, I didn’t come here to fight.”

“Maybe not, but you have to know you’re not just another ‘friend who wants to help’. Surely you understand that your being here is problematic.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Ellie’s hands went to her hips, and she fixed the other woman with a steely glare.

“You’ve no idea what you’ve done to that man, do you?”

Tess looked away.

“He sacrificed everything for you, and you _let him_! You made him believe his life was worth less than yours. And years later, he still hasn't completely recovered.”

Tess put her hands up in front of her, as if to ward off Ellie’s harsh words.

“Ellie, I’m not the monster you make me out to be.”

At that moment, they heard a drowsy voice from the front room.

“Ellie?”

Ellie sighed in frustration and put her fingers to her temple.

“Bloody perfect timing,” she muttered.

She turned her back on Tess, and went to Alec, who was yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. She perched on the edge of the couch and smoothed his hair, which was sticking up in all directions.

“Hi,” she said, giving him a cheery smile. “You look a bit better. Sleep suits you. You should take a five-hour nap every day.” She chuckled, and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

“Did I hear you talking to someone?”

Tess chose that moment to make her presence known, coming into the room, and standing at the end of the sofa, near his feet.

“Hello, Alec.”

His eyes widened. 

“Tess. What’re you doing here?” 

Ellie tried to read Alec’s pitch and inflection, but all she could hear was genuine surprise.

Alec struggled to sit up, grimacing with the effort. Ellie helped him upright, and he sat close enough to her that their shoulders touched. 

“I came to help you,” Tess said, quite obviously aware of their proximity to each other.

“Why?”

“Daisy was concerned that you might not take care of yourself.”

Alec ran his hand through his disheveled hair.

“Daisy told you to come?” He rubbed his eyes again. “That doesn’t make much sense. She knew I was at Ellie’s for a few days, and that Ellie was going to check on me regularly once I was back here. Why would she tell _you_ to come?”

Tess shuffled her feet.

“Well, she didn’t, exactly.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Daisy mentioned that you were horrible at caring for yourself, which is not a surprise to anyone. I came because I wanted to make sure you truly were all right.”

Alec frowned and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You could’ve just called, saved yourself a trip. Ellie’s here with me.”

“Is it ‘Ellie’ now?” she snapped. “You’ve graduated to first names? That’s practically a marriage proposal for you, Alec.”

“Tess.”

“Sorry, that was uncalled for.” She brushed away a stray eyelash from the corner of her eye. “I should probably just leave. It seems as though my presence is doing more harm than good, and that was not my intention.”

Her eyes filled with tears that did not fall.

“I’m glad you’re going to be all right, Alec,” she said quietly. “I’ll still worry about you, but I’m sure Ellie will take _good_ care of you.”

Her emphasis on _‘good_ ’ was clearly sarcastic, and Ellie had heard enough.

“I’ll walk you out,” she said curtly, rising from the sofa.

Tess nodded dourly.

“I’m very sorry to disturb you. Take care, Alec.”

“You too, Tess.”

She lingered for a moment, looking as though she wanted to say something further. Ellie rolled her eyes impatiently and walked to the door. Tess reluctantly took the cue, turning and grabbing her bag, then brushing past Ellie on her way out the door.

Ellie shot Alec a pointed look, then followed Tess to her car.

“Sorry you came all this way,” Ellie said, although it was clear she wasn’t really.

“In all honesty, I wouldn’t want me here either, if I were you.”

Ellie chuckled drily.

“Since we’re being so terribly honest, it seems as though I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want you here,” she said.

Tess threw her bag in the back seat, then folded her arms across her chest, fixing Ellie with a level gaze.

“It’s not sustainable, you know,” she said.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your relationship, or whatever you have going with Alec. It’s not sustainable. It won’t last.”

“It’s comforting to have such a great authority on the subject to predict the future for me.”

“I’m not trying to be rude, Ellie. Just realistic. Alec is a good man. But the job will always come before you.”

Ellie smiled brightly.

“As it should be. I am not selfish enough to think that any romantic need I might have should take precedence over a rape or a murder. I don’t need constant reassurance that I matter to him.”

“Touché.” Tess’s own smile was pinched and drawn. “But, as I'm sure you know, it’s also quite tedious to try and care for him when he’s not taking care of himself.”

“Obviously, you found it so tiresome that you had to find comfort elsewhere.”

Tess sighed and kicked a pebble away with her toe.

“I don’t want to stand here and trade insults with you, Ellie.”

“Then you should go.”

“Right.”

She got in the car, closing the door, then rolled down her window.

“Right now you two desperately need each other – but that need is based on tragedy and pain. You don’t have a normal relationship. And it can’t possibly survive under normal circumstances.”

“You should _definitely_ go.”

“I know you don’t – “

“ _Right now_ ,” she said through gritted teeth.

Ellie didn’t wait for Tess to pull out. She turned and stalked back inside, finding Alec waiting anxiously on the couch.

“How on earth were you married to that woman for 14 years?” she asked, throwing herself on the sofa next to him and kissing him perhaps less gently than she should have.

“It’s a mystery,” he said, feeling a bit dazed by her rough kiss. “But I like where _this_ is going.”

“What was she _thinking_?” she asked, ignoring him.

He sighed and leaned back gingerly.

“It’s clear she wasn’t thinking at all.”

“I wasn’t very nice to her,” Ellie admitted. “Gave her a proper bollocking.”

He touched her cheek.

“I would expect no less.”

“How dare she barge in like she belonged here! Did you know she took Daisy’s key and had one of her own made?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“That’s unsettling.”

“To say the least.” She shook her head and turned to look at him. “Why do you think she came? I don’t buy it that she just wanted to help.”

“Ellie, I haven’t understood any of Tess’s motivations for well over a decade. It’s probably not in anyone’s best interest if I try to figure her out now.”

Ellie gave a short laugh and took his hand.

“She tried to tell me that you and I wouldn’t last.”

“What? Why?”

Ellie shrugged and shook her head.

“She said you wouldn’t pay enough attention to me when there’s an important case.”

Alec felt his breath catch. He searched Ellie’s eyes, but said nothing. She smiled reassuringly and kissed his knuckles.

“Don’t worry. That doesn’t bother me. I don’t expect to be your top priority at every moment of every day.”

Alec exhaled with relief.

“Nor I, yours.”

“That’s settled, then.”

She made another attempt at smoothing his unruly hair.

“Feeling better?”

“Better rested, maybe. Still hurts a lot.”

“You know it’s going to take some time.”

“I do.”

She covered his hand with both of hers, and set it in her lap.

“Alec, I need your word that you won’t keep fighting me on taking care of yourself. I shouldn’t have to convince you that it’s in your own best interest to rest or eat, and I shouldn’t have to force you to do either.”

“I know. I’m trying.”

“Well, try harder.” She smiled brightly. “You know, Tess thinks I’ll get tired of taking care of you.”

Alec frowned and ran a hand over his beard.

“Really? What else does Tess think?”

“She thinks our relationship is not sustainable because it’s borne of tragedy and “isn’t normal”,” she said, using air quotes to highlight the last part of the sentence.

Alec’s frown deepened.

“What do _you_ think?” he asked.

“I think I don’t ever want to be normal.”

“Good,” he said, nodding. “Now that we have that out of the way, can we stop talking about my ex-wife?”

Alec’s mobile buzzed on the coffee table. Ellie reached and grabbed it.

“Daisy,” she said, handing him the phone. He sighed with resignation.

“I guess I’m not done talking about my ex-wife.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations after Tess's surprise visit muddy some waters, but make others clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of dialogue in this chapter. It took me a good while to get going, but I'm quite fond of it now.

“Hi Daiz,” he said into his mobile, receiving his daughter's call.

“Dad, how are you doing?”

“M’ fine.”

“No, really – how _are_ you? Should I ask Ellie?”

“No need. I’ll get there, Daiz. It’ll take a bit of time.”

“I’m worried about you, Dad.”

“Don’t be.”

“I know how you are, so yeah, I’m planning to be worried for a while.” She cleared her throat. “Dad, Mum just called me.”

“I expected that.”

“Did she really just show up at your house?”

“She did.”

“Oh, God.”

“Do you know why she would possibly think it was a good idea to come here?”

There was a brief silence.

“Um, I may have casually mentioned that I thought there was something going on with you and Ellie.”

Alec paused, swallowing hard.

“There is, Daiz.”

“Well, I know that _now_. I just talked to Mum after all. I only suspected it before.”

“It hasn’t been going on long. Just since…“ He paused, considering his words carefully. “Just since, uh, last week.”

“Took you both way too long to figure things out.”

“Took us just long enough, I think.”

She laughed.

“Whatever you say, Dad. I think it’s sweet. You deserve to be happy after all the shit Mum put you through.”

“Language, Daiz.”

Daisy laughed.

“My foul language is your greatest worry right now?”

“Truthfully, for a few minutes there, your mum was a bit of a worry. She and Ellie had some words.”

“Yeah, she told me. She was pretty upset after she left your place.” She paused briefly and took a deep breath. “I think she’s just not used to the idea of you being with someone else. I really think she always sort of thought she might have you back if she felt like it. Honestly Dad, she was really scared when I told her you almost died, and I think it forced her into facing her own feelings. But I don’t think she really knows what they are. Maybe she went to you to find out.”

Alec didn’t respond.

“Dad, you there?”

“Did she tell you all that?” he asked quietly.

“No, not in so many words.”

“Then how did you arrive at that conclusion?”

“Dunno, just pieces of things she’s mentioned here and there. But mostly, it’s ‘woman’s intuition’.”

Alec cleared his throat and blinked in wonder.

“Wait, how did you get to be a woman? Or as wise as you are? I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“Dad.” She laughed freely, and the ease of her laughter warmed Alec’s heart.

“Daiz, I didn’t want your mum to be the one to tell you about Ellie and me. Sorry for that.”

“Seriously, Dad, how could you have predicted that Mum would show up at your house, have a row with Ellie, then spill the beans on your new relationship to me?”

“Uh…”

“Don’t answer that. Just, take care of yourself, will you? I’ll handle Mum.”

“All right, darlin’.”

“Love you, Dad. Tell Ellie she’s the best.”

“I suspect she knows that already, but I’ll give her your love.”

After he ended the call, Ellie looked at him questioningly.

“Well?”

“Daisy thinks you’re the best,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Quite right,” she said, smiling broadly. “And?”

“And she figured there was something between us, maybe before we did. Let it slip to Tess.”

“Ah.”

“She thinks Tess was under the impression that I was hers for life if she just said the word, and my near-death experience scared her enough to think she should follow up on it.”

“Well, I’m glad we have _that_ sorted out.”

Alec nodded wordlessly, contemplatively staring off at some distant, invisible point. After a moment, Ellie brushed his cheek with her knuckle.

“Hey. You all right?”

He was jolted back into the present by her words and touch.

“Yeah. Fine.”

“You went somewhere just now.”

“Nah, just thinking.”

“Well, think while you’re eating this sandwich.”

“I’m not hung – “

Ellie shot him a look, and he sighed, leaving the thought incomplete. He unwrapped the sandwich and began to nibble at it half-heartedly, lost in thought.

\-----------

Alec had been more quiet than normal for the remainder of the afternoon. Ellie wondered if he was overthinking what had happened with Tess, or if the pain meds were wearing off - or maybe a bit of both. He had picked at his sandwich, responding to her questions monosyllabically before descending into a moody silence. Ellie had busied herself in the kitchen, preparing something easy he could reheat for dinner. When she came out, his eyes were on some news program on the telly, but his mind was clearly elsewhere.

“What’s the story about?” Ellie asked, trying to get him back.

“Hmm? What story?” He looked at her. “Oh, this?” He waved in the direction of the television. “No idea.”

“You all right?”

“’Course.”

She snorted.

“You say that as though it’s every day that your ex-wife, who may or may not want you back, comes uninvited into your home where you’re recovering from a gunshot wound, and proceeds to have a row with your partner-slash-best friend-slash-love interest.”

“Love interest?”

“’Girlfriend’ sounds too juvenile. ‘Relationship’ sounds too sterile. We’re already work partners, so I can’t use that.”

“It’s not an ‘interest’.”

“No?”

“It’s just ‘love’. We already know it. Adding ‘interest’ isn’t necessary.”

Ellie’s face was bemused, which was a normal occurrence when Alec was particularly grumpy. 

“Fair enough.”

She kissed the top of his head.

“I have to go and see my boys. I made you dinner – it’s on a plate in the fridge. You need only reheat it.”

“Thanks.”

“How’s the pain now?”

“I’ll manage.”

“I know you can _manage_ it. That’s what the drugs are for, love. I asked how it was _right now_.”

“Eh.”

“That is not an answer.”

“What do you what me to say?”

“I asked how you feel, so I want you to tell me how you feel. I didn’t ask you for some bloody secret code.”

He ran a hand through his hair, and his tired eyes became slightly wild.

“If you must know, it feels like I was stabbed by a knife, kicked by a donkey, and my insides rearranged – all at the same time. The pain is simultaneously sharp and dull, and I’m not sure which is worse.” He paused to take a breath. “And I can do sod all for myself, because every bloody move I make uses muscles that had a hole blasted clean through. It hurts to laugh, it hurts to eat, it hurts to lay on my back – and it _really_ hurts to sneeze.” He fixed her with a defiant gaze, then leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. “You wanted to know. Now you know.”

Ellie slid onto the couch next to him, and his eyes opened when he felt her there.

“Thanks for telling me that,” she said, laying her hand on his thigh. “It helps me to understand what you’re feeling.”

“It especially helps when caring for me gets _tedious_ ,” he said, and his voice was laced with sarcasm.

Ellie took a deep breath in through her nose and prayed silently for patience.

“Remember Alec, _I_ didn’t say those things, _Tess_ did. Don’t take whatever is bothering you out on me. You do not get to put words in my mouth, no matter what you’re going through. I am _not_ bloody Tess!”

Alec gave a long exhale and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I know that, Ellie. M’ sorry. Told you I’m rubbish at this.”

Ellie smiled, and her eyes were kind.

“These are extraordinary circumstances, so I won’t hold it against you.” She arched an eyebrow. “You know, I think Tess got inside your head. You’ve been brooding all afternoon.”

“Maybe, just a bit,” he admitted. “Don’t mean to make you miserable too.”

“We can talk this through, Alec,” she said, touching his face. “Just not right now, because the boys are waiting for me.”

She gave him a quick peck on the lips, and stood up. Alec frowned.

“I’m still waiting for a kiss like you gave me earlier,” he grumbled. Ellie’s eyes sparkled.

“I wouldn’t want to hurt you,” she teased.

He sighed dramatically.

“For a proper kiss from you, lass, I’ll gladly suffer.”

“All right then, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She sat back down next to him, took his face in her hands, and gave him a bruising kiss that left them both breathless. Alec groaned as they broke apart, even as he attempted a satisfied smile.

“Did I hurt you?” Ellie asked, concern clouding her eyes.

“Maybe,” he admitted, grinning, “but it was _so_ worth it.”

\-----------

The phone buzzed on his nightstand, and this time he was wide awake, although the clock registered some ungodly hour in bright orange-red, irritating numbers. The previous day had been so long, strange, and unsettling that his sense of time had seemingly been fundamentally warped . 

He picked up the phone and held it further away to read the Caller ID. Of course, it was Ellie. 

“Ellie, it’s 3:30. You all right?”

“Alec? Why are you awake?” The surprise in her voice was obvious.

“You’re calling me, and you didn’t expect me to be awake?”

“Honestly, no.” Her voice sounded somewhat choked and hoarse. 

“Ellie, what’s wrong?”

She sniffed, and he could hear her stifle a sob.

“I had a bad dream. I – I wanted to hear your voice, so I called your voicemail to hear your outgoing message.”

He was briefly speechless.

“Alec?”

“I’m here. D’you want to, uh, tell me about it?”

“Not really.”

“Did it have anything to do with…?”

He let the question trail off, knowing she understood his meaning. At first, she didn’t answer. Over the phone, the silence seemed to stretch for days, and Alec felt himself unintentionally holding his breath. 

“Yeah,” she finally admitted, so quietly he almost couldn’t hear. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop seeing that gun in my face,” she went on, her voice trembling. “Alec, what if you hadn’t – ?“

“But I did.” He cut her off abruptly. “It’s pointless to think in hypotheticals.”

“In my dream, you _didn’t_. You couldn’t, because – “

“Ellie, you don’t have to tell me.”

“You couldn’t save me because you were dead. You were covered in blood, and you were _dead_. Your eyes were open and staring, and I told you I needed you, and there was nothing you could do, even though I screamed and cried for you to wake up, because you were fucking _dead_ …”

He heard her voice catch and there was another muffled sob.

“It’s not real,” he said, with an intensity that stopped her breath. “I could never die without making sure you were safe. That’s just the way of things.”

“That's so bloody _chivalrous,_ ” she said sniffling, “but you can’t know that for sure.”

“You’re wrong. I do know that.” 

“How could you, though?”

“Ellie. There’s a lot that’s murky about that day. But one thing that’s not – I clearly heard you say, ‘I need you.’ I don’t remember getting up and finding the gun in your duffel. I don’t remember standing and taking aim. I hadn’t shot a gun since my weapons training at the academy. You know how much I hate bloody guns.”

“Probably more now,” she muttered.

“Aye,” he agreed. “Just another quick way for humans to kill each other.”

“Almost did you in.”

“But it didn’t. Because of you. You were there, holding me, keeping me from bleeding out, telling me – “ His voice broke slightly. “- telling me you loved me and that you needed me. There was no way I could let you down. There was no way I would let him take you from your boys.” His voice dropped to a low whisper. “There was no way I would let him take you from me.”

The silence this time was filled with warm tension, which Alec finally broke.

“I’m coming over there,” he said.

“Don’t you dare. You’re not allowed to drive yet, and even if you were, you’d probably crash somewhere along the way.”

“Ellie.”

The strength crept back into her voice.

“No, all I needed was to hear your voice. I got so much more than that. I’ll be all right.”

He cleared his throat.

“You were really calling just to hear my voicemail message?”

She gave a short laugh.

“I was,” she said. She affected a semblance of a Scottish accent. “’You have reached Alec Hardy. Please leave a message.’” She laughed again. “Be still my heart.”

“That’s terrible. I don’t sound like that.”

“Nobody can imitate you very well, although many have tried.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

There was another brief silence.

“Alec, you need to get some sleep. Jenkinson is taking your statement tomorrow. It would be best if you weren’t a blathering idiot.”

“Have you ever known me to be a blathering idiot?”

“Just an idiot, maybe.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Alec.”

“Hmm?”

“Take your medication and sleep. If you’re not asleep when I come over to bring your breakfast, I will knock you out myself.”

“There you go, being all bloody romantic again.”

“You know how I feel about this. I’ve made it abundantly clear.”

“You have.”

“Then please.”

“Way ahead of you. I’ve got it right here on my nightstand. Taking it right now.”

He swallowed the pills, washing them down with the glass of water that was also preset there.

“Done,” he said, sounding pleased with himself.

“Why didn’t you do it earlier? It’s nearly bloody dawn. Why are you still awake?”

He sighed. That was a loaded question.

“Just thinking. Done now.”

“Good. Turn off your light. Get under the covers. Close your eyes.”

“What, now?”

“No, sometime next week, you knobhead.”

“Right. Love you, too, Miller.”

He switched off the bedside lamp, sighed and let his eyes shut, feeling the weight of the day finally start to pull him into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec returns to CID to give his statement, but it's a bit more complicated than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a LOT. This is where it would be really helpful to read 'Seventeen Suits and A Beacon' if you haven't already (or even if you have!), just to understand the details of past events. I struggled with this chapter for many reasons, and thought about leaving some things out that I ultimately kept in. I hope it all makes sense.

When Ellie knocked twice on Alec’s door the next morning, she knew (and hoped) he was not likely to answer. It was only 8:30, and he should still have been soundly sleeping. 

Ellie herself had managed to fall back asleep after her conversation with Alec mere hours earlier. Talking to him had helped ease her early morning post-nightmare panic. She had been comforted by not only his voice, but also by his conviction, and his sweetly awkward, yet no less passionate declaration of her importance in his life.

She was no stranger to nightmares, having had her share after she found out about the reality of Joe Miller’s character and actions. Additionally, her line of work gave her insight into the minds of some horrible people, which added layers of dimension to her bad dreams. Her encounter with Warren Redmond the previous week had been a different type of nightmarish circumstance. Staring down the barrel of her own certain death was a terrifyingly unique trauma. There was definitely no precedent with which to compare it. 

Ellie’s focus on Alec’s recovery kept the dreams at bay for a while, or so she thought. While he'd been in the hospital, her sleep had been sporadic and dreamless. When he'd stayed at her house for a few days after he was released from the hospital, his presence had been warm and comforting, despite his weakened state, and she'd remained free from dreams. Now, since he’d been back at his own house, the loneliness of her own bed seemed to invite subconscious horrors that she wasn’t fully prepared to battle with.

Everything felt more normal and less upsetting when she was with Alec, as odd as that would have seemed at any other time in their shared history. She was grateful for their newly declared importance to each other, which meant she needed no specific reason to stop by his house. Not that she had ever needed a specific reason anyway, but it was nice to be expected.

She opened the front door as silently as she could, and tiptoed to Alec’s bedroom, finding him fast asleep and snoring softly. The sight of Alec at rest, boyish and vulnerable, still took her by surprise, so accustomed was she to his clenched jaw and perpetual frown. But here, dead asleep, he looked relaxed and peaceful, which she knew was largely due to the pain medication he had taken – a godsend. She wondered if he would be having the same sort of dreams as she was if his sleep wasn’t medically assisted.

She couldn’t keep herself from bending down and kissing his cheek, brushing his hair from his eyes with her fingertips. Alec groaned softly and stirred, and his eyes briefly fluttered halfway open.

“Go back to sleep. I’m making you breakfast. I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

“Mmmph.”

He closed his eyes and was instantly asleep again. She smiled fondly at him, and headed to the kitchen to throw together a quick breakfast.

\--------------

The sight of Alec Hardy, groggy and disheveled from sleep, silently picking at her hastily prepared breakfast was so amusing that she couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles whilst observing him. Alec sullenly raised an eyebrow in response.

“Wha’s funny?” he muttered.

“You are.”

“Hmm.”

“I think it’s unintentional on your part.”

“Hmm,” he mumbled again, slowly rubbing an eye with his knuckle.

Ellie chuckled, resting her chin in her hands to watch him eat – or rather, to watch him barely eat.

“You’re oddly endearing when you’re half asleep and grouchy.”

“Fantastic,” he muttered.

“Ooh, a three-syllable word,” she teased. “You must be at least partly awake now. So you can properly eat your breakfast.”

He ignored her and sipped his tea.

“Alec, eat some more please. You need the protein for strength to get through this interview with Jenkinson.”

“Fine.” 

He made a show of nibbling at the eggs, but quickly abandoned them in favor of the toast.

“Stomach’s a bit off,” he explained, feeling her icy glare. “Toast is safer.”

“Since when?” she asked, eyebrows raising.

“Last week,” he admitted, not meeting her eye.

She folded her arms and shook her head slowly.

“Christ, Alec, you give me new reasons to worry about you every day.”

“Unintentional. Like my abject hilarity.”

She couldn’t help but laugh again, even as she tried to downplay her concern. She didn’t know much about gunshot wounds, but she did know that recovering from one came with a lot of residual effects. Still, it was somewhat alarming to find out there was still another effect she was unaware of, and frustrating that Alec hadn’t shared it with her already.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Didn’t seem particularly relevant. Don’t eat that much anyway. You barely noticed ‘til now.”

Her sigh was long-suffering and dramatic.

“That’s just bloody spectacular.” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “All right, eat what you can, but we have to get going, You sure you’re up for this today?”

Alec shrugged and peeled the crust off his toast.

“Probably best to get it over with.”

Ellie heaved yet another sigh.

“Well, I’m inspired,” she said, flatly. “ _Carpe_ bloody _diem_.”

\---------

It had only been seven days since Alec had last stepped foot into Wessex CID, but it felt as though he had lived several lives since then. Seven mornings ago, he and Ellie were driving to Weymouth to Warren Redmond’s estate, with hopes of finding evidence to clear up the rape and murder case that had been keeping them up for weeks. Now, seven mornings later, he was walking laboriously slowly through CID, blinking at the boisterous, yet well-wishing colleagues surrounding him on all sides. He desperately longed for an end to this assault of sound and commotion.

The constant barrage of ‘good to see you, Sir’ and ‘you’re looking well, Sir,’ and “how are you feeling, Sir?’ all started to run together and crowd his brain with noise. It made him feel a bit dizzier than he thought he ought to, but he had no intention of letting his well-meaning colleagues know that - especially now that they seemed less intimidated by, and more sympathetic toward him. He took a few deep breaths and tried to quiet his mind and calm his churning stomach.

“You all right?” Ellie asked him, seeing something in his eyes.

“Fine,” he lied. “I’ll just pop down to Jenkinson’s office.”

“I’ll be at my desk.” She flashed him a bright smile. “Paperwork.”

He nodded, and she reached out and squeezed his shoulder – a comforting gesture that was not intimate enough to warrant any special scrutiny from their peers.

“I’m here if you need me for anything. Text me, and I’ll be right there.”

He nodded and grunted an affirmation, then continued deliberately, if somewhat unsteadily, down the hallway.

Jenkinson stood when Alec showed up in her doorway, and grasped his hand across the desk in welcome.

“Alec, I’m so glad to see you up and about. We were all quite worried.”

“Thanks, Ma’am. Still breathing.”

“Well, you were perilously close to the alternative.”

“I’m aware,” he said drily. 

Jenkinson gave a little half-smile and motioned to the chair across from her desk. Alec slowly sank into it, willing himself to keep his face impassive and not to audibly groan as he did so. She watched him studiously and sat back down at her desk.

“You’re doing all right?” she said with a hint of custodial concern and a slightly arched eyebrow.

“Fine, Ma’am.”

“All right then,” she said, giving a single nod. “You ready?”

Alec responded with a single nod of his own. Jenkinson started the tape machine, which was sitting on the edge of her desk. Alec was briefly grateful that she was doing this in her office, instead of an interview room.

“Interview with Detective Inspector Alec Hardy, beginning at 11:08 am. So. Tell me about the events of September 17, one week ago. As much as you can remember.”

Alec recounted as much of the day as his memory would allow. Jenkinson allowed him to talk without interruption, listening quietly with an occasional nod, until he fell silent on his own and slouched back into his chair, drained of energy. She reached to stop the tape, verbally recording the time, and looked up at him.

“Your account of the day matches well with Ellie’s,” she said, studying him. “She remembers more than you, for obvious reasons, but I’m mostly satisfied. I do have a few follow-up questions, however.”

Alec shifted in his chair and scratched at his beard, nodding silently.

“If Fiona Redmond decides, for any reason, to plead ‘not guilty’, there may be some questions asked about your actions, and Ellie’s. So, I just want to make sure the answers are included in your statement. Are you ready?”

Alec’s stomach protested at the idea of Fiona Redmond, the matriarch and only surviving member of the Redmond clan, pleading ‘not guilty’. He took a deep breath to fight back a wave of nausea, and gave Jenkinson a brief nod to continue. She hesitated, slightly skeptical, but restarted the tape, with all the requisite announcements.

“DI Hardy, why did you and DS Miller stay behind after the contingent from Weymouth CID had left the Redmond premises?”

“We were the last in the Redmond’s home, and Fiona Redmond had apparently made tea for us. We - or rather I, felt obliged to politely accept their offer of hospitality. They said it was because they wanted to show there was no animosity toward us, even though we had been investigating them for weeks. We had gathered evidence, but had no confirmation of anything at that point. It didn’t seem like a risk at the time, however, we had only a few sips of tea, and stayed only a few minutes longer than the group from Weymouth.”

“Why didn’t you stay longer, if you assessed no risk?”

“It began to feel like something was ‘off’. Both DS Miller and I quickly sensed that the Redmonds were deliberately trying to delay our departure.”

“How did you know DS Miller felt the same way?”

“We talked about it as soon as we exited the house, before we encountered Roman Redmond.”

“Thank you.”

She paused to move a few papers around on her desk.

“DI Hardy, why did you attempt to grab the gun from Roman Redmond?”

Alec's eyes widened, and his stomach gave another uncomfortable lurch.

“Roman essentially informed us he was going to take us somewhere and end our lives. He was forcing us to get into the car, and I knew once we were in the car, we had a greatly reduced chance to defend ourselves. I attempted to wrest the gun away from him, but it went off before I had a chance. Obviously, I was hit when the gun fired, and DS Miller had to take - uh, alternative measures, which led to Roman Redmond’s death.”

He exhaled slowly and rubbed at his temples. His head had begun to throb in tandem with the unceasing throbbing in his side, and his stomach was on the verge of complete rebellion.

Jenkinson regarded him apologetically. 

“Just a few more questions.” 

He nodded, running his hand down the side of his face.

“Is there anything more you can remember about the moment you decided to shoot Warren Redmond?”

“Decided? I can assure you I never ‘decided’ anything.”

“Then how is it that you came to fire a perfect shot into Warren Redmond’s right temple?”

Alec stared at her.

“You are on _my_ side here, yeah?”

“Alec, please just answer the question.” Her request was a plea, rather than a demand.

“Right.”

The nausea crept into his throat. He took a large gulp of air in a valiant attempt to keep it at bay.

“Obviously, I was suffering from a gunshot wound and had lost a lot of blood. I was unconscious, I think, for much of the time that Ellie – DS Miller – was trying to escape from Redmond.” 

He took another deep breath before continuing.

“One of the only things I remember is hearing Ellie’s voice in my ear telling me that she needed me, and the next thing I remember, I was on my feet with the gun. Warren Redmond was pointing a gun at Ellie’s head. If I hadn’t shot him, he would have killed her right in front of me.”

“What makes you think he would have killed her?”

He felt anger start to burn in his chest, and his stomach rolled. 

“You’re seriously asking me this question?”

“If I don’t, someone else will.” Her voice was gentle. “Please, Alec, just answer the question to the best of your ability.”

Alec snorted indignantly.

“Well, since he bloody _told_ her he was going to kill her, I think it was a reasonable assumption.”

His body began to tingle uncomfortably, and little flecks of white appeared in his field of vision. He tried to unsuccessfully blink them away.

“Did you hear him say those words exactly?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I was, uh, incapacitated.” He felt sweat beading on his forehead, and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “But he had already sent his son to kill us, then he shot at us and chased us through the wilderness. Why _wouldn’t_ I think he was going to kill her? And me, for that matter?”

He was panting now, and the white flecks in his vision became blotches.

“How did you obtain the gun?”

“No idea. I must’ve retrieved it from the nearby bag, but I don’t clearly remember doing so.”

“Are you a particularly good shot with a handgun?”

He gulped in some air to try and calm his breathing and settle his stomach.

“I was, at the academy, several decades ago. But I haven’t shot one since then.”

“Your shot was placed perfectly.”

“It had to be. There was no other option.”

Jenkinson nodded, a look of apologetic concern on her face.

“One last question, Alec.” 

She paused, as if considering her choice of words. 

“Do you think your feelings for DS Miller influenced your decision to shoot Warren Redmond?”

The question took Alec by surprise. His face greyed, and his stomach immediately contracted. He flailed desperately, grabbing at a nearby wastebasket - into which he unceremoniously expelled the contents of his stomach.

Jenkinson jumped out of her chair and moved across to him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Are you all right?”

Alec sank back into his chair, sweating and panting.

“Fine,” he growled. 

“I’m getting you some water. Don’t you dare go anywhere.”

She shot through the doorway, returning a moment later with a cup of water.

“Drink this,” she said, sternly.

He sipped at the water, and tried not to think of how mortifying it was to vomit in front of his direct superior. 

“I’d like to answer that last question now,” he said, hoarsely, desperate to push past the embarrassment.

“Continue, please,” Jenkinson said, retaking her position behind the desk. “I didn’t actually stop the tape just then.”

Alec cleared his throat, which felt raw and dry, despite the sips of water.

“You asked if my feelings for DS Miller influenced my decision to shoot.” 

He inhaled slowly through his nose, closing his eyes briefly to steady himself. 

“Did I shoot Warren Redmond _because_ I felt those things for her? I can say honestly that I did _not_. It was a life-and-death situation, and there was no other choice but to shoot the person who would have killed us. I did only what needed to be done to keep us both alive.”

He paused, and his eyes narrowed. Jenkinson leaned across her desk, rapt with attention.

“But would I have been able to do what needed to be done if I _didn’t_ have those feelings for her? I believe that my feelings for DS Miller likely inspired me to do things that I should not have been physically capable of doing at the time, under the circumstances. So the answer to that question is also unequivocally, ‘no’.”

He awkwardly reached to straighten a tie he wasn’t wearing, but finding only the crew neck of his jumper, he straightened in his chair instead.

“I believe DS Miller and I are both alive today _because_ of my feelings for her.”

\--------------

“I can’t believe you threw up in Jenkinson’s office,” Ellie was saying as she drove toward Alec’s hillside home. “If she tells anyone about it, you’ll never live it down.”

Alec leaned against the window of the passenger door with his eyes closed.

“Maybe they’ll invent a new nickname for me.”

Ellie giggled slightly, uncertain if she should find this humorous, but unable to help herself.

“Chuck, maybe. Or Ralph.”

Alec groaned, but seemed mildly amused.

“Did the interview go all right otherwise?” Ellie asked, with forced cheer. He had been tight-lipped about it since they left CID, barely speaking at all until they reached Ellie’s car. Now he grunted some indiscernible response that she thought sounded like ‘fine’.

“You’re not going to tell me about it then?”

“What’s to tell? I imagine yours was similar.”

She thought for a moment.

“To be honest, I don’t remember it much. I felt sort of numb. And worried about you. I was - covered in your blood.”

He opened his eyes then, and looked over at her reverently, before turning back to stare out of the passenger window.

“There were some questions about my motivations," he said. "Didn’t think they were necessary.”

“Motivations for what?”

His eyes closed again, and there was a brief silence before he responded, quietly.

“Killing another person. Killing Warren Redmond.”

Ellie frowned.

“How can there be a question about that?”

“Jenkinson said if Fiona Redmond pleads ‘not guilty’, someone will ask that question at the trial.”

“Christ. What did you say?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine," she conceded, "but I really do want an explanation of why Jenkinson pulled me aside while you were in the loo and told me that pairing the two of us together was either the best or worst idea she’d ever had. She said she couldn’t decide which it was.”

“She said _that_? What else did she say?”

“Let’s see, there were several things. She told me you haven’t stopped surprising her since she’s known you. I think that’s a compliment, but I’m not sure.”

“Huh.”

“Um, she also said that she barely recognized you in a jumper and jeans. This was a sentiment echoed by nearly everyone in CID, by the way. Apparently, you look like a regular bloke when you’re not in a suit. Not so scary. If only they had known you were about to puke in Jenkinson's office...”

“God’s sake.”

“Oh, and Jenkinson told me to take care of you because you were an 'unbelievable mess'.”

“Oh, brilliant.”

“You are, you know.”

“Brilliant?”

“No, an unbelievable mess.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Seriously, Alec, you look a bit peaky and green.”

“M’ fine.”

“Right. Nevertheless, I’m considering staying with you tonight, just to keep an eye on you.”

He was about to protest as they pulled up to his house, but he was distracted by the person standing in front of his house, obviously and nervously waiting for them.

Tess. Again.

_Bloody hell. What now?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tess confesses the true motive for her uninvited visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a joyous holiday! Back with another tough chapter!

When Ellie pulled her VW up in front of Alec’s house, Tess stood shifting her weight, nervously clutching her crossbody bag in front of her with both hands. 

Once parked, Ellie circled around to the passenger side to help Alec from the car, casting a sideways glance at Tess, and keeping purposefully silent. Alec seemed utterly dumbfounded by Tess’s presence at his house – just a day after her last semi-disastrous visit. Alec was so distracted that he stumbled getting out of the car, and he had to grab Ellie’s shoulder to keep himself from falling. 

“What are you doing here again, Tess?” he growled at her. “I thought you’d gone back home.” 

“I ended up staying at the Trader’s,” she said, running her hand absently up and down the strap of her bag. “Look, Alec, I need to talk to you.”

Alec stared blankly at her.

“About what?” he asked. “You were just here, and that didn’t work out so well.”

“I know, I know, but there are some things I didn’t get to say to you, and I think I will go mad if I don’t have the opportunity to say them.”

Alec blinked at her as though she was speaking a foreign language. Her desperation was readily apparent, and it took him off guard. He turned to Ellie, who was clearly willing herself to stay silent.

“I, um - I suppose,” he stammered. “Well. Okay.”

Ellie shook her head in disbelief.

“Are you joking, Alec? This is a horrible idea for so many reasons.”

“It’ll be fine. Might as well take care of all my business today, eh?”

His attempt at lightness was met with a pointed glare from Ellie.

“Alec, you’re barely upright as it is. This is the last thing you need right now.”

“Ellie,” he said, touching her cheek, “it’s fine. I’m _fine_.”

Ellie exhaled forcefully and rolled her eyes.

“All right,” she said with resignation. “I’ll leave you to it, then. I’ll be back around eight after Fred goes down, and I’ll bring you some dinner.”

Then she turned to Tess and her face hardened.

“You can use your bloody _illicit_ key to get in.”

Tess gave a chastened nod.

“I planned on giving it back today, just so you know.”

“Good.” Ellie walked up closer to Tess and lowered her voice. “Keep an eye on him. He’s had a rough day.”

“I will. Thank you, Ellie.”

“Do _not_ thank me. None of this was my idea.” She leaned in, perilously close to Tess’s ear, speaking under her breath. “If you upset or hurt him in any way, I swear, I will _end you_.”

Tess attempted valiantly to keep her face impassive.

“Got it,” she whispered, and Ellie smugly thought she sounded perhaps a bit shaken.

Ellie turned back to Alec, who had been curiously watching the exchange between the two women, despite not being able to hear what they were saying. She rocked forward on her toes and kissed his cheek.

“I’m not properly kissing you until after you brush your teeth,” she announced with a wry grin. “Vomit breath, and all.”

“Fair enough.” He gave a sheepish half-smile. “See you later.”

“Yes, you will.” She stood on her toes again to whisper in his ear. “I’m staying over tonight, whether you like it or not.”

“I _always_ like it,” he said, and his voice was so deep that it rumbled in his chest.

They shared a smile before she got back in her car and drove off.

\-------------

“So, Tess, what is so bloody important that it couldn’t wait?”

Tess had prepared two mugs of tea, setting them on the coffee table in front of Alec. She stood and looked thoughtfully at him for a few moments before sinking into the plush chair across from him. She chuckled humorlessly.

“I guess we’re going to bypass the niceties and jump right in.”

Alec didn’t respond, staring at her silently and expectantly.

“Fine, have it your way.” She looked up to the heavens and sighed deeply. “I know it seems odd, Alec, but I’ve been spending a great deal of time thinking.”

“About what?”

Tess fidgeted with the handle of her steaming mug, which was perched on her knee.

“About you.”

Alec swallowed and reached for his tea. His stomach was still tentative, and this conversation was not likely to help settle it.

“Why would you be thinking about me now, after all this time?”

“It’s not that strange, really. You did almost die. Such events warrant some…reflection.” She took a sip of tea, and returned the mug to her knee. “To be honest, I’ve never stopped thinking about you – about _us.”_

Alec sipped his own tea, uncertain how to respond. Instead, he remained silent.

“I know we’ve had our issues,” Tess was saying, “but I’ve always loved you. I've recently come to the realization that I just didn’t know _how_ to love you.”

Alec frowned.

“What does _that_ mean?”

Tess brushed a strand of hair from her face and stared at her tea.

“Alec, you’re a – well, you’re a complicated man. I always thought you didn’t love me enough because your work took priority over me.”

Alec threw up his hands in frustration.

“It was never a competition, Tess. I didn’t love you less when I was preoccupied with a case.”

Tess squirmed a bit in the chair.

“I think I understand that now. I demanded your attention when your focus needed to be elsewhere. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“Ellie mentioned that you two had discussed that yesterday.”

Tess’s face flushed slightly, and she gave a slight nod.

“We did.”

Alec scratched his eyebrow.

“I was under the impression that you believed differently. Ellie said you warned her about my preoccupation with cases taking away from our relationship.”

Tess sighed wearily.

“I did. Sorry about that. I think what she said yesterday may have actually helped me figure all this out. That’s why I couldn’t leave Broadchurch yesterday. I had to tell you. I had to see if – “

She left the thought hanging in the air for a moment, then quickly shifted direction.

“Alec, I know I hurt you. Please forgive me for that.”

“I forgave you a long time ago, Tess.”

“Maybe I can’t forgive myself.”

“I can’t help you there.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

Alec reached for his tea again, holding it with both hands to warm his fingers. He took a deep breath, feeling the ache in his side. 

“Why did you come here, Tess?”

Tess sighed again, setting her mug on the coffee table.

“I told you yesterday – to make sure you were all right, and to help care for you if you needed me.”

Alec shook his head and his vision started to swim a bit.

“I don’t believe you," he said. "Why would you come when you had a suspicion that Ellie and I were together?”

Tess’s head snapped up, her brow furrowed, and she opened her mouth to protest.

“I talked to Daisy,” he explained, before she had a chance to contradict him. 

“Ah,” she said, looking down at her feet.

“Just be honest, Tess. I don’t have the energy to deal with manipulation and half-truths.”

He ran a hand down his cheek. Tess studied him, noticing his face was growing increasingly pale and drawn. Her expression softened.

“You’re right, Alec. I’m sorry. This is truly difficult for me.” 

She folded her hands in her lap and swallowed hard.

“I think I’ve always believed that as long as you didn’t have anyone else in your life, you would be willing to come back to me. Maybe it sounds foolish or selfish, but when Daisy told me she thought you and Ellie were, uh, _involved_ , I was far more upset than I should have been. I did not expect to feel such a strong sense of loss – but then, I had never before felt as though I was in danger of losing you entirely.” 

Her eyes filled with tears, and she dragged her index finger along the lower rim of her eye to catch the tears before they fell. 

“Then I found out you almost died, and I think I panicked a bit. I came here to prove that I knew how to care for you better than Ellie did. I wanted you to realize that you needed me more than you needed her.”

“Tess,” Alec began, leaning forward, but Tess put up a hand.

“Please let me finish, Alec.”

He winced as he sank back into the sofa. His head was pounding, but he nodded a curt permission to Tess. 

She exhaled slowly and paused before continuing.

“I know you think you love her, Alec, but I honestly think you’d be better off with someone you have _real_ history with – someone who knows you the way I know you. I know what you need, Alec - better than she ever could. And now I believe I’m finally ready to give you everything I should have given you long ago.”

_There it was._

Alec was so taken aback that he could barely breathe. At first, he didn’t have any sense of which emotion was so overwhelming that he felt incapable of speech. But then the white spots from earlier in the day returned to his field of vision and a feral anger bubbled up inside of him. Despite his clouded vision, he fixed her with an unflinching, steely glare.

“You think you know what I need better than Ellie does? You must be bloody joking! She is everything to me that you never were. She is far kinder, more understanding, and completely selfless, despite all the pain and trauma she’s been through. She knows me _far_ better now than you ever did before, during, or after our marriage. She loves the things about me that were always just mere annoyance to you.”

His Scottish brogue grew thicker as his fury increased.

“How _dare_ you come here and try to drag me back into your pernicious little game when I’m finally learning how to be happy.”

Tess’s mouth gaped open in surprise, and she leaned forward to protest.

“Alec, that’s not – “

“Shut the hell up, Tess. You had your chance, and now it’s my turn.”

The throbbing in his head was like a drumbeat on his skull, but he was determined to give her the full force of his rage.

“You tore me apart, Tess. You made me question my worth as a man. You watched my spiral of self-destruction and didn’t lift a goddamn finger to help me. But Ellie constantly reminds me that I still have something to offer – not just to her, but to Daisy, and to the community I serve.”

His head was spinning. He closed his eyes and spoke through gritted teeth. 

“Don’t ever think for a moment that I don’t love Ellie Miller because I absolutely do. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. And not only does she love me too, but she does something for me that you could _never_ do; she makes me want to love _myself_.”

He opened his eyes and could see white stars. He felt his body sway and steadied himself against the couch, blinking hard. 

“Alec, are you all right?” He could hear the real concern in her voice, but he didn’t care.

“I will be,” he growled, “once you get the hell out of my house.”

Without thinking, he stood quickly, causing his head to spin and his vision to blur. And then he saw only white and he was falling, and before he saw nothing at all, he briefly felt satisfaction and knew he could finally rest. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tess presses Alec further, Ellie takes matters into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finding this sequel very difficult (but ridiculously rewarding) to write. I can understand why fic authors do series - because they start to fall in love with the universe they've created. I have to say, one of the few perks of this very strange year is discovering this love for writing fanfic that I didn't even know I had or needed. <3

Before he opened his eyes, he felt hands on his face, hands shaking his shoulder, hands all over his hair, and a faraway voice was repeatedly calling his name. He was so, so tired. His body didn’t seem to want to move, nor did his eyes wish to open. But the incessant noise and shaking and touching was unbearable. He forced his eyes open and blinked painfully, trying to focus on the blurry face just above his.

“Thank god,” the faraway voice was saying. “You scared the hell out of me!”

“Wh-what?” He tested his own voice, which seemed to echo unnaturally inside his head. “Where…?”

He couldn’t seem to formulate a coherent thought either. 

Gradually, blurry shapes started to come into focus, and he realized he was on the floor of his house, someone was holding him, and that person was Tess.

“What happened?” he managed to whisper hoarsely. He struggled to sit up, but pain gripped every part of him, and he fell back against her.

“Why’re you still here?” he rasped wearily, closing his eyes again.

“You passed out, Alec. I couldn’t very well leave you here alone.”

His foggy brain tried to process her words.

“How long ago?” was the only thing he could think to ask.

“Maybe two or three minutes? I tried to break your fall as best I could, but you still hit the ground hard. Missed the coffee table though, thankfully.”

He wriggled, attempting to pull himself upright again, but Tess held him firm.

“Stop moving, Alec! Stay still for a minute, would you?”

He briefly considered ignoring her, and doing whatever it took to move as far away from her as he could manage, but his strength seemed to have abandoned him. She caught him as he dropped back into her arms.

“Is it your heart?”

He squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head.

“Are you hurt?”

“ _Everything_ hurts.”

“Should I call the doctor?”

“No. Ellie.”

Tess sighed.

“You want me to call Ellie.”

Alec nodded.

“Perfect,” said Tess dryly. 

She reached onto the coffee table for Alec’s phone, and pecked out the most non-alarming text message she could think of.

‘ **This is Tess on Alec’s phone. He’s not feeling so well and asked me to get in touch with you.’**

A few moments later, his phone buzzed in her hand.

**‘I can be there in half an hour. Can you handle things til then?’**

Tess tried not to read any sarcasm into the last part of the message, but it was difficult not to.

**‘Of course.’**

She put the phone back on the table, and turned her attention to Alec, who remained motionless, with his eyes closed.

“Alec?”

“Hmm.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“What’d you think was gonna happen?” he muttered, keeping his eyes shut.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I thought - I mean, I _hoped_ that if I came down here and _showed_ you how I could care for you, you would understand how much you needed me – and maybe you would come back to me. I don’t think I’m way off base here. It wasn’t too long ago that you wanted us to be a family again. You said you never stopped loving me.”

His eyes fluttered open, but he didn’t look at her.

“That was almost four years ago, Tess. I moved on. Fell in love with someone else.”

She sniffed and smoothed his hair, and he flinched slightly at her touch. She pulled her hand away and rested it on his arm.

“So you can honestly tell me that you don’t love me anymore?”

The throbbing in his head was back. Come to think of it, his whole body throbbed.

“God’s sake, why’re we doing this now?” he grumbled.

“I need to hear you say it, Alec. I need you to look at me and tell me you don’t love me.”

“Tess. This is a bad idea. Just let it go.”

God, he wanted to be anywhere else but in her arms, but he couldn’t seem to bloody _move_ without agonizing pain.

“I can’t let it go. I need to hear it from you first,” Tess said, and her voice broke a bit.

Alec closed his eyes again, willing himself to string enough coherent words together to finish this unpleasant and awkward conversation. She obviously wouldn’t let him rest until he did. 

“Then help me sit up,” he said. Tess nodded, repositioned herself, then tugged and pulled until Alec was leaning with his back against the couch, trying to breathe through the debilitating waves of pain and nausea.

“Tess,” he panted, meeting her eye, “I loved you for a very long time, and I kept loving you even after you destroyed my life. There will always be some part of me that will love some part of you.” He paused briefly to catch his breath, rubbing at his tired eyes. “You’re the mother of our amazing, brilliant daughter. And you and I did have some good years together that I won’t ever forget. They’re pleasant memories now, instead of painful ones.”

He licked his dry lips, trying to summon enough energy to deliver the final blow.

“But Tess, I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m in love with Ellie. Have been for several years.”

Tess looked as though she had been slapped. Her jaw dropped slightly and she looked away, choking back a sob and burying her face in her hands. Alec felt conflicted, knowing she needed to hear the truth, but not relishing the anguish that came with it.

“It’ll be okay,” he said weakly, fully aware of how meaningless it sounded. He tried to offer more words of encouragement, but his weary voice seemed to fade as soon as the words left his mouth.

God he was tired.

He faintly heard Tess’s muffled sobs and allowed his eyes to close, gratefully drifting off almost immediately into comforting darkness.

Tess looked up just in time to notice that Alec was slumping to the side. She scooted along the floor toward him, catching his shoulders before he hit the ground, and carefully lowered his head to rest on her thighs. 

\-------------

When Ellie burst through the front door twenty minutes later, she found Tess sitting with her back against the sofa and Alec’s head in her lap. She felt a palpable twist in her stomach at such an intimate position, and her eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline.

“What exactly is happening here?” she demanded, throwing her bag on the dining table and folding her arms in front of her.

Tess looked up at her, and Ellie could see that her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and she had slight mascara smudges underneath her eyes.

“It’s not what you think,” she said, sniffling. “I’m not sure if he’s asleep or if he passed out again.”

“ _Again??_ What d’you mean, ‘passed out _again_ ’??”

Tess dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“I think he stood up too quickly and passed out. Then he fell.”

Ellie walked over and knelt next to them. She quickly checked Alec’s pulse, then glared at Tess.

“Why would he stand up too quickly when it’s excruciating for him just to get out of a chair? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Tess looked away, snuffling quietly.

“He was upset with me,” she admitted.

Ellie’s face hardened into a disgusted scowl.

“Bloody hell, I asked you to do _one_ thing…”

Tess said nothing, and Ellie shook her head in frustration.

“Is he hurt?”

“I don’t know. He told me _everything_ hurt.”

Ellie glowered at her.

“I have _questions_. But we can talk about this later. You are not my priority right now.”

Ellie got onto her knees and bent down to kiss Alec on the forehead, gently stroking his cheek and murmuring his name.

\------------

Before Alec opened his eyes again, he felt hands on his face and in his hair, but this time they were gentle and soothing. He heard a sweet voice repeating his name, encouraging him to awaken. He was still so tired, but the pull of seeing her face was too intoxicating, and he blinked his eyes open.

Ellie smiled down at him.

“Hi,” she said, “we have to stop meeting like this.”

He smiled dreamily.

“Had to get you here somehow…” he said, and his voice was low and husky.

“There are easier ways to do that. Knob,” she teased. But then her face grew suddenly quite serious.

“Alec, are you hurt?”

“Dunno. Feel awful.”

“Let me take a look at you.” 

She ran her fingers lightly over his scalp. He hummed with her touch.

“I don’t think you hit your head,” she announced.

“If I say I did, would you do that again?”

“Cheeky. You must be delirious.”

Tess’s sharply inhaled breath drew Ellie’s attention. She had briefly forgotten that Tess was there, and it seemed as though Alec wasn’t even aware of her presence, despite the fact that his head was resting in her lap. Ellie glanced briefly at her, then turned her attention back to Alec.

“I’m going to lift your jumper and check your wound, all right?”

Alec closed his eyes and nodded. Ellie reached for the hem of his jumper, then noticed with a sinking feeling that it had a wet spot on the right side, just below his ribcage. She lifted it and saw that blood had soaked through the dressing covering the wound, and all the way through the dark green fabric. 

“Shit,” she said, under her breath. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Oh,” breathed Tess.

Ellie shot her a withering look.

“Did you seriously not think to check?”

Tess shook her head.

“Well, I didn’t really know all the details of his injury.”

“But yet you came here to ‘take care’ of him. How was _that_ going to work?”

There was no answer. Ellie rolled her eyes at Tess’s silence, then turned back to Alec.

“Alec, can you roll onto your side?”

He grunted as he attempted the painful maneuver, and Ellie helped push him far enough to check the dressing on the exit wound, which was also soaked through. She exhaled slowly.

“Alec, everything is bleeding again, rather a lot, really - so we’re going to try and stop the bleeding, then replace the dressings.”

He grunted unintelligibly, which she interpreted as an assent.

Ellie sprang into action, running to the bathroom to grab several towels and a bag filled with bandages provided by the A & E doctor. She rolled up a towel and put it on the floor, then removed the bandage from his back and rolled him onto the towel to apply pressure to the bleeding exit wound.

“How’re you doing, love?” she cooed, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

“Bloody spectacular,” he mumbled.

“A little _less_ bloody would be preferable,” she joked, grinning. 

She pulled the bandage from his torso and applied gentle pressure with another towel, drawing an involuntary yelp from Alec.

“I have to hold it here for ten minutes. Try and breathe through it - as though you’ve just had a nightmare and are trying to calm yourself.”

“This _is_ a nightmare,” he groaned, writhing in anguish.

“I know it is. But if you stop squirming, it won’t hurt as much,” she said, struggling to hold the towel in place. “I swear, this was so much easier last time, when you were unconscious.”

Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence, as she felt the full emotional impact of her own memory. Alec seemed to feel it too. His twitching slowed and eventually stopped, and the lack of motion or conversation created an eerie silence.

Within the silence, Ellie found her mind wandering back to the events of a week ago and her desperate attempts to stop Alec from bleeding to death on the forest floor, out in the middle of nowhere. There had been _s_ o much blood then that, days later, she still found bits of it under her fingernails. She looked down at him now, with his eyes closed and his face twisted in pain. He was too pale, but not _deathly_ pale, as he had been only seven days earlier, when she had been forced to watch the life draining slowly out of him…

Alec’s hand on her forearm brought her back to the present, and only then did she realize she was crying. 

“I’m here now,” Alec said, looking up at her as though he had read her thoughts. “You didn’t lose me, Ellie.”

He squeezed her arm lightly and attempted a weak smile.

“I know,” she replied softly, trying on her own fleeting smile. “But I’d prefer if our time together included something a bit more enjoyable than me trying to keep you from bleeding to death.”

“Fair point. Have anythin’ in mind?”

Ellie’s smile was more genuine this time. 

“Cheeky,” she said, chuckling.

Tess coughed uncomfortably, realizing her presence had been forgotten again. Ellie shot a quick glance at her, and her expression was dark and stricken. Ellie found it difficult to worry about Tess’s feelings, but conversation nonetheless ceased.

The rest of the ten minutes passed wordlessly. Alec’s breath was ragged as he gritted his teeth through the agonizing pressure. Tess sat statue-still, her eyes flitting between Ellie’s ministrations and Alec’s tortured face. 

After finally enlisting Tess’s help to apply bandages, change Alec’s shirt, and help him onto the couch, Ellie turned to Tess.

“Do you mind making tea for the two of us? I’m going to get Alec settled here, then you and I can have a talk.”

Tess nodded curtly and headed off to the kitchen. Ellie perched herself on the edge of the couch where Alec was now lying, and placed her hand on his forehead.

“Hmm, you’re a bit feverish.” She pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa and tucked it carefully around him. “What was it Jenkinson said about you earlier? Oh, that’s right – you’re an ‘unbelievable mess’. I think that is a tremendously perceptive and accurate description.”

Hardy yawned and fought to keep his eyes open.

“That was today? This day is endless.”

“Well, it’s definitely over for you. You’re exhausted. Time to rest for a while.” She sat back down and took his hand in her lap. “The bleeding is under control for now, and you have new dressings. I’ll call the doctor just to make sure there’s nothing I’ve missed. He’ll probably want me to bring you in tomorrow anyway.”

Ellie expected some sort of protest or argument, but Alec just nodded wearily.

“Probably should,” he mumbled.

Ellie’s eyes opened wide in surprise.

“Wow, did you just agree with me? You must really feel like shit.”

He didn’t answer, and Ellie leaned down and kissed his warm forehead. 

“Ellie,” he said drowsily, “Thank you. Sorry about all this.”

Ellie flashed him her brightest smile.

“Don’t be silly. You and me, Hardy and Miller, we take care of each other, remember?”

“Alec and Ellie,” he added, squeezing her hand and smiling languidly before closing his eyes. She smoothed his unruly hair.

“You’re quite adorably sweet,” she said fondly. “To think I might never have had the chance to see this side of you.” 

“I can be sweet without a medical emergency,” he grumped, his eyes fluttering open again.

“I know that _now_. It’s the rest of the world that doesn’t believe it.”

She smiled again, then placed a hand on his chest.

“I’m going to run and get your medication, then you need to rest.” She smirked, rolling her eyes. “And then I get to have a lovely chat with your ex-wife.”

“Mmm, lucky you,” he murmured, and she could see him fading. She stroked his beard with her fingertips.

“Be right back, love. Don’t you dare go anywhere.”

When she came back with his prescription bottle, he was already asleep. 

She placed the bottle on the coffee table, softly kissed his forehead, then sighed and headed to the kitchen for what she knew was bound to be an awkwardly unpleasant chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! May there be better things ahead for us all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Tess 'discuss' the situation. Ellie shares an idea with Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each of these chapters gets a tiny bit tougher to write, but I welcome the difficulty. I messed with this chapter quite a bit, but I believe I'm satisfied now. Enjoy!

After washing Alec Hardy’s blood off her hands for what she hoped would be the last time, Ellie spent a few minutes on the phone with the A&E doctor securing a morning appointment for Alec. Tess, fidgeting nervously, was already seated at the kitchen table. Two steaming mugs of tea awaited their impending conversation.

“Is everything okay?” Tess asked tentatively, attempting to avoid an awkward silence.

“For the moment,” Ellie replied, and her tone was frosty. “No thanks to you.” 

Tess sighed, for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

“I understand why you might be angry with me,” she said.

Ellie sat at the table, folding her arms across her chest defiantly.

“Do you really, though? Are you referring to yesterday or today? Are you sorry for breaking into Alec’s house _yesterday_ , or are you sorry for upsetting him so much that he bloody passed out _today_?”

Tess stared into her mug, thinking for a few moments before speaking again.

“I’m sure my actions must seem hypocritical to you.”

Ellie smirked.

“Hypocritical, yes. Also reckless, rude, selfish, inconsiderate…shall I continue?”

“That’s not necessary.”

They both sipped their tea, letting the moment deescalate a bit. Ellie was angry, but didn’t want a repeat of the contentious conversation yesterday. She tried to read Tess, who seemed to fall into a large grey area somewhere between 'cooperative' and 'recalcitrant'.

“I’m sure you’ll find out from Alec why I came back today.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. ‘Recalcitrant’ definitely seemed to be winning out.

“Why don’t you just eliminate the need for hearsay and tell me yourself.”

“It’s personal,” Tess hissed, her eyes flashing obstinately.

“Whether you like it or not, our lives are inexorably linked now,” Ellie huffed. “Whatever happens to him affects me too. It may be personal for you, but you’re the one who decided to come here uninvited and, frankly, _unwelcome,_ and insinuate yourself into the situation. So, whatever you did is personal for _me_ , because you hurt the man I love.”

Tess shot daggers at her.

“He’s also the man _I_ love.”

“Oh, I see, you’re trying to win him back. How is that going, by the way?”

Ellie’s voice was nonchalant, but her steely glare was withering. Tess indignantly clicked her tongue.

“There’s no need for your sarcasm,” she said, with an equally withering glare.

Ellie arched an eyebrow.

“There is, actually. You come here when nobody asks or wants you to, and you wreak havoc on our lives – “

“It’s _his_ life, not yours.”

“Well, aren’t you judgy for someone who threw away all rights to a relationship with this man that you claim to love?”

“Well, aren’t you righteous for someone who has only been in a relationship with him for a week?”

Ellie put up a hand.

“That’s really all I need to hear from you, Tess. I’m going to ask you to leave.”

“You can't ask me to leave - it’s not your house.”

“Well, the owner of the house is incapacitated, thanks to you.”

The two women glared at each other combatively. Tess was the first to break eye contact, silently looking down at her rapidly cooling tea. When she looked back up at Ellie, her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

“I know,” she said quietly, slumping in defeat. “I feel terrible about that.”

“What were you thinking?” Ellie asked, a bit more gently.

“I wasn’t,” Tess admitted, rubbing circles into her temples. “I just can’t seem to let go. It’s ridiculous, really. I can see how much he cares for you. Your communication is so natural. It’s so difficult for me to see him have this type of connection with someone else.”

“It’s taken a long time for us to build to this point.”

“Yes, but I could see it even back during the Gillespie case. He was different with you. He trusted you completely. I think it almost frightened him how much he needed you. I know it frightened me.”

“As it turned out, I needed him just as much. It literally took us years to admit this to each other.”

“I spent years thinking Alec would always love me,” Tess said, folding her arms, and running her hands up and down her biceps. “I thought whatever happened between us was always up to me. But when Alec came back here with Daisy a few years ago, I was convinced he had come back for you. But then Daisy said the two of you were never more than friends, and that kept my hope alive, although she was convinced you were eventually going to end up together.”

“Very perceptive, your daughter.”

“She also told me I should leave well enough alone.”

“Did I mention how perceptive Daisy is?”

“Point taken.”

There was another silence.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. You’re supposed to be my rival.”

“Please,” Ellie scoffed. “We would only be rivals if Alec couldn’t decide between us, and we had to try and best each other to win his affection. Or if we were in some Jane Austen novel.”

Tess sighed again, and the tears now spilled from her eyes.

“He told me that he was in love with you and not me.” Her voice broke. “I never thought he would love someone else.”

Ellie clasped her hands together on the table in front of her.

“Tess, far be it from me to tell you what’s going on in your head, but have you considered the idea that you’re really just now mourning the end of your marriage? Maybe you don’t really want Alec back, but the absolute finality of him falling in love with someone else is more of a symbolic ending?”

“I don’t know about that,” Tess replied, her voice dripping with disdain. “It’s rather painful for a mere ‘symbolic ending’.”

Ellie regarded her curiously.

“Tell me this, Tess: if you really wanted him back, why did you wait until he was in a relationship with someone else to tell him? You’ve had years to confess your undying love. Why now?”

Tess considered this for a moment, but did not answer. Ellie reached for her mug again, taking a lukewarm sip.

“Listen, the best thing we can do for Alec is to figure out how to coexist,” she said, with a conciliatory tone. “Someday, Daisy will get married and maybe have children, and we’ll all have to be there – hopefully, without any needless tension or drama.”

Tess visibly bristled.

“You’ve planned out a future already, I see,” she snapped, rediscovering her anger.

Ellie rolled her eyes. Her patience was being severely tested today, but she was determined to stand her ground and not to let Tess get the best of her. Her eyes blazed.

“Here’s what you don’t understand about any of this, Tess: Alec almost _died_ last week. I had to sit and watch him dying, and I couldn’t do anything about it. The only thing I could do was _think_. I thought about the strong partnership we built despite our initial distaste for each other. I thought about the grudging friendship that developed, despite the walls we built to keep each other out. I thought about how the things that used to irritate me about him became the things that most endeared him to me. And I thought about how I grew to love him unconditionally, and would do anything to protect him from anyone who meant to do him harm – and that includes you.” 

Tess opened her mouth to protest, but Ellie shot her a blistering look in warning.

“I’m not done yet!” 

Noticing her own clenched fists, she took a slow, calming breath before continuing. 

“Alec and I have _saved_ each other, both literally and metaphorically. When I thought he might die, it became startlingly clear to me that I didn’t want to spend another day without him. You want to know if I’ve planned a future already? No, _I_ haven’t - but _we_ have. The way we see it, there really is no other option.”

Tess crossed her arms belligerently.

“Nice speech. Good for you. Are you done _now_?”

“Come to think of it, Tess, no I’m not.” 

_Time to finish it now,_ she thought.

“Alec Hardy is not your goddamn plaything – he is the best, most decent man I’ve ever known. I refuse to give him up simply because his ex-wife is now having an existential crisis and demands a chance for redemption. You had _fourteen years_ to plan a future with him, and you fucked it up, and now you bloody well have to live with the consequences.”

Tess looked stunned, seemingly struck dumb by Ellie’s words. Her mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out. Her eyes glistened with tears. Ellie reached across the table and lay a comforting hand on her arm.

“I won’t apologize, Tess. You needed to hear all of that,” she said. “But I _am_ sorry you’re conflicted.”

Tears were now streaming down Tess’s cheeks. Ellie popped up and fetched a tissue, and Tess used it to dab at her eyes. Minutes of silence passed before Tess finally spoke.

“You’re right, of course. About all of it,” she said, pausing to wipe her nose. “Alec deserves someone who understands him, and I don’t think I ever did, not really.”

She gave a short, humourless laugh.

“The joke’s on me, I suppose. I came with the intent to make _you_ feel unwelcome, and now I realize that _I_ am clearly the interloper here.”

She stood abruptly.

“I’ve taken too much of your time already,” she said, stiffly. “My apologies. I’ll see myself out.” 

She grabbed her bag and flung the strap over her shoulder. Moving toward the doorway, she stopped short and turned back to face Ellie.

“Please tell him I’m sorry. For everything.”

Ellie nodded silently as Tess straightened and headed for the doorway, stopping to cast a slightly lingering glance toward Alec’s sleeping form before quietly exiting through the front room.

Ellie exhaled as though she had been holding her breath for hours, and exhaustedly buried her face in her hands.

\----------

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting in the kitchen, lost in thought, when she heard Alec’s faint voice calling her name from the front room. 

“Be right there!” she called to him, springing out of her chair and filling a glass with water, which she carried with her to the front room.

She was surprised to find him still asleep, but his face was contorted with something that looked like terror, and he was thrashing about, muttering her name.

She leaned into his shoulders to keep him still and bent down next to his ear.

“Alec, I’m here. Time to wake up. It’s okay, love.”

He didn’t wake immediately, but his movements quieted, although his face still appeared painfully distorted. Ellie placed a hand on his cheek, which was still unnaturally warm.

“Alec,” she murmured into his ear. “Alec, wake up, love.” 

“Hmm?” he mumbled, his face relaxing. When his eyes blinked open, he looked slightly bewildered, but recognition dawned quickly, and Ellie was rewarded with a sleepy smile.

“Were you having a dream?” she asked, smoothing his hair, and noting his glassy eyes. 

He nodded.

“Can’t remember all of it, but it wasn’t pleasant.”

“I gathered that. You were flailing about and calling my name.”

His face flushed with embarrassment, but she brushed his hair away from his forehead and planted a reassuring kiss there.

“Do you want to tell me what you were doing in your dream?”

“Not particularly,” he said morosely. “But I will tell you that I was tragically unsuccessful at it.”

“You’re not the only one with tragically unsuccessful dreams,” she said. “I swear, between the two of us, in just a weeks’ worth of dreams, we’ve already relived our ‘very bad day’ more than we ever needed to in a lifetime.”

Alec rubbed his eyes and nodded.

“With unfortunate alternate endings,” he grumbled. “Guess I needed something to replace my dreams of drowning.”

“And I needed something to replace my dreams about Joe.”

She took his hand, smiling wryly.

“I guess it’s not all bad,” she said, “because _you’re_ in my dreams, even if you do end up dying most of the time.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Well, anyway,” she said, forcing cheer, “we know they’re just dreams. The real nightmare has already passed. Oh, and speaking of nightmares, your ex-wife has left the building.”

“Thank God.” Alec’s relief was palpable.

“We had quite the little chat. I believe she saw the error of her ways, even if she didn’t totally agree with my, uh, _assessment_ , shall we say, of her behavior.”

Alec closed his eyes, sighing tiredly.

“I don’t know what to say, Ellie. I just can’t really stomach talking about her anymore today.”

Ellie nodded empathetically.

“I can certainly understand that. Oh, and speaking of stomachs, how do you feel?” 

She placed the flat of her hand on his forehead. 

“You still have a fever, but the doctor says it’s probably due to dehydration, rather than anything terribly sinister. I brought you some water that I will give you in a moment – but first, I should check and see how the dressings are holding up.”

She lifted the afghan, then peeked underneath his shirt to find that the new bandages were performing adequately, and the bleeding appeared to be contained.

“They seem to be doing the job,” she announced proudly. “Dr. Ellie strikes again.”

“You’re a bloody marvel,” he said, reaching to touch her cheek and tracing her jawline with his finger. “I can’t wait until I can _show_ you how unbelievable I think you are.”

She smiled coyly, then leaned down and kissed him languidly.

“Until then,” she said with a sultry tone, “there’s a taste of what you’re missing.”

“Stop that,” he growled. “Not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. Sit up and drink some water.”

“I protest such brutal treatment.”

“Noted. Now sit up.”

He painfully scooted himself backward to a seated position, took the proffered glass of water, and sipped it tentatively.

“No really, how are you feeling?” she asked. Their banter had her feeling a bit lighter than she had for much of the day. She thought even Alec looked a bit better, although it seemed unlikely that a late afternoon nap would have made much difference.

“Optimistic,” he said.

“What?”

“I feel optimistic.”

“Well, I heard you the first time.”

“Then why did you say ‘what’?”

“Because I meant how do you feel, you know, _physically_ , not philosophically.”

“Oh. Still like shit, then. But that is to be expected, yeah?”

“I imagine so. So then, why are you optimistic? You just had a bloody awful day.”

Alec’s smile melted her.

“I’m optimistic because _you’re_ here, Ellie Miller. And even if I feel terrible, or throw up in my boss’s office, pass out on my ex-wife, then bleed all over you, I know you’re still going to be here if I need you. I’ve never been so certain of anyone in my entire life. It’s intoxicating.”

Ellie’s eyes filled with tears, and she could barely speak around the lump in her throat.

“I’m glad you feel that way, Alec. I feel the same. Honestly, I’ve never trusted anyone as much as you, and that's quite a trick, since I have a hard time trusting anyone these days.”

She cleared her throat.

“I’ve been doing a little thinking.”

He lifted a brow quizzically, and she took an audible gulp of air.

“Alec, I think you should move in with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope 2021 has started well enough for everyone. We still have a long way to go. Fanfic has been a lifesaver for me - first to read, and now, to write. I am extremely grateful that I have a platform to create stories, and people actually seem to enjoy reading them. I find this both amazing and wonderful. Peace to all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec visits the doctor. Several complications arise. Ellie realizes she has some issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if this seems disjunct. It's been a weird week in America. But ultimately, I'm pleased with the trajectory of this chapter.

“You want me to move in with you?”

Alec’s face registered a certain amount of shock. Whether it was a good kind of shock or not, Ellie couldn’t really tell. 

“Yes, I mean, at least temporarily. It was so much easier when you were at my place, wasn’t it? I can’t keep leaving my boys so I can stay over here. And…”

She left the thought hanging. Alec frowned, running a hand over his beard.

“And? And what?”

She smiled sheepishly and grabbed his hand.

“In all selfishness, I sleep better when you’re there. I don’t have nightmares when we’re sharing a bed. I prefer it that way, for obvious reasons.” 

He stroked the back of her hand gently with his thumb.

“Sounds reasonable,” he said simply.

“Don’t sound so excited,” she groused. 

“No, _I_ think it’s a good idea. But will Tom? What about Beth and Lucy? And what happens when the press finds out?”

“I don’t care. They’re all going to find out anyway. The press hasn’t been as intrusive as I’d expected. And I’ll talk to Tom. And Beth and Lucy.”

Alec pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

“If it doesn’t bother you, then I won’t worry about it. I’m all for it if you are.”

“Good. That’s settled, then. Now drink some more water. This conversation is pointless if you die on me.”

“I’m not going to die because I’m dehydrated.”

“No, probably not, but added to the list of things that are already wrong with you, it might be a contributing factor. ‘Unbelievable mess’, remember?”

He groaned and took a few more sips.

“I know, I know.”

“Do you think you can eat something?”

“I don’t think you’d let me get away with saying no.”

“Probably right.”

“Then an answer really isn’t necessary, is it?”

“I’ll reheat the food I brought.” She stood, smiling faintly. “Tom packed it up, so I make no promises.”

“Tom did, really?”

“Mmhmm. I was rushing about like an idiot once Tess texted me to come, and I asked him to throw something together. I’m hoping you got the leftover chicken and rice, and not a container full of melted ice cream.”

She disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a plate of food.

“Got lucky,” she said, with a short laugh. “No ice cream soup.”

Even so, Alec’s face turned a bit green when he smelled the freshly reheated chicken, but he gamely took a few mouthfuls of rice before setting the plate down. Ellie eyed the unfinished food disapprovingly.

“Can you try to eat just a bit more? I’m worried there’s not going to be much of you left before too long.”

“Maybe in a while, eh?”

Her sigh was heavier than she meant it to be.

“Fine. Shall we watch a bit of telly, then?” she asked, with a touch of false cheer. Alec grunted his agreement, and Ellie found a nature programme they were both mildly interested in. But it wasn’t long before Alec’s eyes began to droop and he dozed off next to her, his head resting heavily on her shoulder. She could feel his feverish warmth through her jumper. She yawned, realizing she was knackered as well, with the dramatic events of the day adding to the bone-weary exhaustion she had felt during the entire last week. 

A nice early turn-in suddenly sounded incredibly appealing. She gently ducked out from under Alec’s head and roused him awake, or something close to it.

“Alec, come on, love. Let’s get a good night’s sleep in bed, yeah?”

He offered no comment or resistance. Other than periodic groans or winces of pain, his lanky body was liquidly pliable, and she had to half-carry him to the bedroom. He took his meds obediently, and allowed Ellie to help him change into pajama pants and then sink down onto the mattress, where she pulled the covers up to his shoulders. His eyes appeared glazed, but were intently focused on her as she sat next to him on the bed.

“My unbelievable mess,” she said fondly, brushing hair away from his hot forehead with her index finger. “You’ve had quite the day.”

“Mmm, glad s’over.”

“Finally,” she agreed. “How many lifetimes have you lived in the past week?”

“Dunno. Too many. Kinda happy with just the one, though.”

“Oh? Which one is that?

He blinked up at her, giving her a sleepy smile, and she threaded her fingers through his hair.

“Whichever one you’re in,” he slurred drowsily, closing his eyes, almost melting with her touch.

Ellie felt warmth flood her body. This man, who was growing more precious to her by the moment, made her feel loved and wanted, even while his traumatized body failed to let him physically demonstrate these feelings.

She brushed another kiss onto his forehead and watched him drift to sleep. After calling home to check in with her family and finishing her evening ablutions, she slid quietly under the covers, curling her body next to his. Due to his injuries, she couldn’t wrap her arms around him as she would have liked; instead, she rested her forehead against his shoulder, and lay her hand gently on his upper arm. 

At that moment, nothing mattered but feeling his warmth, and watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. Lulled by his rhythmic breathing, Ellie fell asleep content, knowing nightmares would not disturb her slumber tonight.

\-----------

Alec wasn’t feeling much better in the morning. If anything, he was even more debilitated: he was stiffer and sorer, and his fever hadn’t dissipated. Predictably, Ellie couldn’t get him to eat more than a few bites of breakfast.

“I feel as though I’ve done a horrible job trying to help you recover,” she told him, after trying to goad him into eating a couple more bites of cereal. “There’s very little actual ‘recovery’ that seems to have taken place. Your doctor is going to think I’m terribly negligent when he sees you, half-starved and fever-ridden as you are.”

Alec stared miserably at his cereal bowl, finally opting instead to gingerly sip at his tea.

“It’s not your fault, Ellie. The people who bear the blame are either dead or Tess.”

Ellie choked into her tea.

“That’s a bit cavalier, don’t you think?”

“Is it not true?”

“Well, yes, but – “

“Then why make it anything other than what it is?”

“I understand that. It just seemed perhaps a bit callous.”

He rubbed his reddened eyes and frowned.

“You are constantly telling me to stop blaming myself for things, right? Ellie, I won’t let you accept responsibility for any of this. I’m simply putting the blame where it belongs: the Redmonds ‘callously’ chose to try and end our lives. Tess ‘cavalierly’ chose to push her own misguided agenda. Not you. Not me.”

Ellie mulled this over for a moment.

“Fair enough, I suppose. It’s just sort of shocking to hear it in those terms.”

“Was it not sensitive enough for you?” he snapped. “And here I thought I was the paragon of sensitivity.”

Ellie’s eyebrows raised.

“You’re a bit combative this morning.”

“Am I?” He put his tea down and buried his face in his hands. “Sorry,” came his muffled apology.

Ellie went to him, rubbed his back lightly, and kissed the top of his head.

“Come on. Let’s go and see if we can’t get you fixed up a bit. Then maybe we’ll get back a bit more of that sparkling personality.”

\---------------

Ellie was sitting in the waiting room for longer than she would have imagined. They had booted her out of the exam room soon after she and Alec had arrived at A & E, and Ellie had busied herself reading tattered celebrity rags and drinking foul hospital coffee. 

Across the room, she saw a middle-aged woman looking surreptitiously at her over the top of the Broadchurch Examiner (which had replaced the Echo a few years earlier). Ellie caught her eye and gave a friendly smile, which the woman returned before ducking back behind the paper. A few minutes later, Ellie saw the woman put down the paper and openly regard her.

“Can I help you?” Ellie said to the woman, smiling brightly, overcompensating for her annoyance at being the center of this stranger’s attention.

“No,” the other woman said, and her smile was genuine enough. “I was just reading about you.” She motioned to the newspaper. “And then there you were, sitting right in front of me!”

“Ah. I hope the article was entertaining, at least.”

“Very,” the woman stated, nodding. “Are you here for your partner? Is he okay?”

Ellie nodded. “Slow recovery. Just making sure everything’s all right.”

The woman smiled and leaned toward her conspiratorially.

“I’m glad it’s you who’s here with him, and not that ex-wife of his.”

Ellie jerked her head backward.

“Wait, what?”

Ellie’s surprise must have been apparent. The woman moved her hand rapidly through the air, as though waving away anything offensive.

“Oh, no, I’m completely hoping he chooses you.”

Ellie blinked in confusion.

“Why would you say that?”

“Oh, I’m sorry – you haven’t seen the article?”

She grabbed the paper and walked across the room, opening to the second page. Ellie stared at the picture of herself, Alec, and Tess, obviously taken after they had returned from CID yesterday. The caption on the photo said, “ _Hero Coppers’ Love Triangle?”_

So much for the press not being intrusive.

“Jesus Christ,” muttered Ellie under her breath. She skimmed through the article, which included speculation about the nature of Alec and Tess’s relationship, noting that Tess had appeared at his house two days in a row, but had left looking disgruntled both times. There was another picture of Alec and Ellie leaving CID, with Alec leaning on her shoulder, and Ellie looking up at him fondly. The article implied that Alec still needed to make a choice between the two pretty Detective Sergeants. 

“This is bullshit,” she said, not realizing she had spoken aloud. The woman looked a bit shocked, and Ellie hastily apologized. 

“Sorry,” she said, “but this is a complete joke.”

“Oh?” the woman said slyly, hoping Ellie would elaborate, but instead she folded her arms and stewed silently. The woman remained undaunted.

“Well, whatever the truth is, I hope you and DI Hardy end up together. He’s so handsome. And you seem much nicer than his ex-wife.”

Ellie couldn’t help but laugh a bit at that.

“Thanks. You have no idea.”

At that moment, the doctor came out and called her name. She bade the woman goodbye, and practically ran across the waiting area to follow the doctor into the hall near his office, where he leaned against the wall.

“DS Miller, I wanted to talk with you a bit before we went to see DI Hardy. I may need your help.”

“How so?”

“Well - how shall I put this? – Mr. Hardy is not recovering well. He is fairly dehydrated and undernourished. He told me he hasn’t been the best at taking his pain medication, so his body is overstressed, which makes it extremely difficult for any healing to occur. The uncontrolled pain also contributes to the nausea he’s been suffering. And because of the nausea, he’s not eating, so his body is in something of a vicious cycle. He also told me he passed out and fell after standing up too quickly during a particularly stressful moment yesterday. The fall resulted in severely bruised ribs and a bruised shoulder, plus, it reopened the gunshot wounds that had been, at least, superficially healing.”

Ellie’s heart was pounding.

“So what does this all mean?” she asked breathlessly.

“Well, we’d like to keep him here overnight so we can replace some of the nutrients and fluids and get that fever down. We’d also like to monitor his injuries and take care of his pain management. And we’re also hoping that a brief stay here can help reduce his stress levels.”

“He hates the hospital,” Ellie whispered. “He won’t want to stay.”

“I’m aware of that,” the doctor said, kindly. “This is why I need your help. Mr. Hardy has voiced no interest in remaining here – in fact, he has announced his intention to leave as soon as possible – but I was hoping that you could help convince him that it’s in his best interest to stay.”

Ellie felt herself begin to panic. If Alec stayed overnight at the hospital, that would mean she would be sleeping alone tonight, and most likely would be visited by Warren Redmond in her dreams.

“Is that absolutely necessary?” she asked, and she could hear her voice shoot up to an unnaturally high octave. “I can take care of him at home. I’ll make sure he gets everything he needs, and takes his medication, and – “

“Ms. Miller,” he said calmly, putting a hand on her shoulder, “he needs the kind of help he can only get here. It’s truly the best thing for him. I’m asking you because it’s pretty clear your opinion matters to him.”

Ellie took a deep breath. She knew everything the doctor was saying made sense, and she knew what she had to do, but was having difficulty fighting the rising panic. The doctor, sensing this, squeezed her shoulder gently.

“You have both suffered trauma,” he said quietly. “DI Hardy’s injuries need to be treated here. Your injuries may not be visible, but they definitely exist, and they likely need to be treated as well. If you’d like, I can refer you to a – “

“I have a therapist,” Ellie said quickly, folding her arms defensively.

The doctor withdrew his hand.

“I mean no offense. It’s merely a suggestion.”

Ellie exhaled, feeling like she had been holding her breath for quite some time. She knew he was right, but she did not find this fact at all comforting. Still, she had to do what was best for Alec.

“Thank you,” she said, managing a weak smile. “I’ll talk to DI Hardy.”

“Excellent. Right this way.”

Alec was sitting on the edge of the bed, struggling painfully to put his shoes on when Ellie walked into his room. She immediately strode over and took the shoes from him.

“Ellie, what’re you doing?” he was hunched over, clutching his side and panting, but his glassy eyes followed her as she took his shoes to the other side of the room and tossed them on the floor.

“Leave them off. You need to stay here and get back in the bed.”

“What? No.”

“Look at you. You’re in horrible shape. You can’t even put your own bloody shoes on. You’ve gotten worse instead of better. _They_ can fix you, Alec. I can’t.”

She felt tears spill from her eyes, and angrily wiped them away.

“Ellie – “

“Please don’t argue with me, Alec. I need you to be healthy. For both of us.”

He searched her warm brown eyes, finding only conflict there.

“But you’ll be alone tonight,” he protested quietly.

She crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to him.

“I can survive this one night, as long as I know that we have a lifetime of nights after that.”

She took his hand and pulled it gently into her lap.

“Please stay and let them take care of you.”

He sat silent for a few moments, still searching her eyes for answers.

“If that’s what you think I should do,” he finally said, and she nodded.

“I do.”

He looked at the floor and, with a slight nod, grunted an affirmation.

“Good, now get back in bed, please.”

She helped him ease backward onto the bed, then touched her fingers to his warm cheek.

“Promise me you’ll stay here and not pull any stupid stunts.”

“Promise.”

“You should feel better tomorrow.”

“What about tonight? Will you be all right?”

She sighed wearily.

“It’ll be fine.”

“You sound like me,” he said, smirking slightly.

They laughed softly together, and Alec drew her fingers to his lips.

“You can call me if you need to,” he said, kissing her knuckles.

“You’ll likely be relatively incoherent – back on the good hospital drugs, you know.”

“Well, that’ll keep you amused for a while, at least.”

“You’ll be sleeping, Alec. I’m not going to call you.”

“I’ll call _you_ , then.”

She planted a kiss on his forehead.

“Alec, I need you to focus on _your_ recovery right now. I’ll be fine for a night.”

“I’ll call you anyway.”

She threw up her hands.

“Fine. I welcome your call. Just as long as you are doing what the doctor tells you to do.”

“I will,” he muttered, and feeling her disapproving glare added, “No, _really_ , I will.”

Her eyes began to spill over with tears again.

“I can’t believe I used to hate you, and now I can’t go a night without you. How ridiculous is that?”

He took her hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb.

“Not that ridiculous. I hated you too. Well, ‘hate’ may be too strong of a word, but you irritated the hell out of me.”

She laughed through her tears.

“What happened to us?”

“Dunno. Don’t care. Just wanna be with you.”

She leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips.

“Alec Hardy, I order you to get better.”

“Can you do that? I mean, I’m technically your boss.”

“We both know who the boss is,” she said, winking. She kissed him again, then pulled away. “I should go, so they can get started on you.”

“Right."

She took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“My heart is set on you,” she said simply.

Alec blinked in wonder, seemingly at a loss for words. He closed his eyes and shook his head, as though in disbelief.

“And mine is set on you,” he replied, softly. “Go on. I’ll call you later.”

“I expect you to be properly high when you do.”

“I’ll do my best,” he said, with a smile that revealed the crinkles at the edges of his eyes. Her heart seemed to flip in her chest as she traced the crinkles with her fingertips.

She kissed him softly once more, then bolted from the room before her tears started to fall in unstoppable cascades down her cheeks. She huddled outside in the hallway, taking deep calming breaths, wiping at her face with her sleeves. 

A quick trip to the ladies’ allowed her to wash her face and wipe the stray mascara from under her eyes. She surveyed herself in the mirror, dismayed at her own haggard appearance. Heaving a great sigh, she found the doctor, and informed him that Alec would be staying overnight.

“Call me if he gives you any trouble,” she said, only half-joking.

She left A&E, feeling slightly conflicted about whether or not she should have told Alec about the newspaper article. Ultimately, she decided that would have caused him more stress, and she was almost certain she’d made the right decision. There would be plenty of time to worry about that later.

What was more concerning to her was her overwhelming feeling of being alone after leaving Alec in the hospital. After Joe, she’d learned to be content being on her own, and even to relish the time she spent in her own company. Now she felt almost lost by herself. But even more than that – she felt lost without Alec. Somehow, in the last week, she’d come to rely on his constant presence, and when he wasn’t there, she felt as though a part of herself was missing. She also knew this was so much more complicated than just being in love.

 _Maybe the doctor was right_ , she thought. She scrolled through her contacts, finally settling on her therapist’s number, and ringing it. No appointment was available today, she was told, but the doctor could do a 15-minute phone appointment later this afternoon.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Ellie told the receptionist. 

_Anything to help get through the night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your continued support. I'm hopeful for humanity, and writing Ellie/Alec fics help me find the goodness and the love. <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ellie has a busy day on the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end of this part of the story, I think. One more chapter! Thanks for all your comments and encouragement. They are everything. <3

The first time Ellie’s phone buzzed, she was digging through her desk drawers at CID, trying desperately to find her dwindling secret stash of chocolate digestives. She had stopped by CID for a few hours, with the hope of being able to focus on some neglected paperwork, but her growling stomach was keeping her from being truly attentive. She was just beginning her quest for convenient snack food when the telltale buzz interrupted her search. She punched at the ‘answer’ button with a conspicuous grin.

“Wow, couldn’t wait more than a few hours, eh?” she teased.

“Mmm, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Alec’s words were drawn out much longer than his usual staccato Scots brogue. Ellie’s smile widened.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I _am_ resting,” he drawled. “I’ve not gone anywhere. Still here in this bed, right where you left me.”

“Well, that’s progress, I suppose,” she said, chuckling silently to herself. “How are you feeling?”

“When I can feel _anything_ , I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Feeling no pain, then?”

“Other than aching for you?”

She had expected him to be cheeky, but the absolute sweetness of his cheek was almost more than she could handle.

“That’s lovely, but you know it’s not what I mean.”

“Right then, I am feeling NO pain,” he said, gleefully. “Zero. Zip. Zilch. And any other ‘z’ words that mean ‘none’.”

“Well, I’m very relieved to hear that.”

“Ellie, I called you,” he announced, dreamily.

“Yes, you certainly did,” she replied, indulging him.

“I called ‘cause I couldn’t wait a moment longer to tell you how beautiful you are.”

She felt her face flush, and cast a quick glance at the room to make sure no one noticed. She was relieved to see that no one had – at least, not overtly.

“That’s quite sweet, you know.”

“I just want to tell _everyone_ how beautiful you are,” he said reverently. “I already told the doctor. And the nurse. And another nurse.”

She genuinely could not imagine Alec Hardy doing this, even on the good hospital drugs he was clearly under the influence of.

“I’m sure they all love hearing _that_.”

“Ellie,” he whispered, suddenly secretive. “ _Where are you_?”

“I’m at CID, trying to get some paperwork done.”

“Oh!” he said excitedly. “Put me on speakerphone! Everyone at CID needs to know how beautiful you are, too!”

 _Oh, god!_ Ellie was both amused and mortified.

“Alec, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. “

“But I want to tell them,” he said, very seriously. “They may not already know.”

She couldn’t put him on speakerphone. She knew he would never live it down if he did. Or she wouldn’t. _Or something_. 

She was trying to keep her responses hushed, but she was starting to feel the casually stealthy glances of her colleagues as they attempted to furtively listen in on her conversation. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“It’s okay, Alec. I think everyone here does know.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she lied, with the best intentions. “In fact, they’ve all just told me how much they agree with you.”

“Yeah? Even Dirty Brian?”

She shot a quick look around the room, just in case.

“Especially him,” was her measured response.

She heard some muffled talking on Alec’s end, then he came back whispering again.

“They say I have to hang up now, because they have to do something.”

“What do they have to do?”

More muffled talking.

“They said they're doing something that would hurt a lot if I could feel it.”

She chuckled again and tried to cover her very large grin.

“Behave yourself, and do what they say.”

“’Course. ‘Cooperative’ is my middle name.”

She rolled her eyes, giggling.

“Alec C. Hardy. It suits you.”

He laughed with her.

“I love you, Ellie.”

She skimmed the room again. 

“Uh, me too.”

When she hung up, she could swear she saw several smug smirks on the faces of her colleagues.

\---------------

The second time Ellie’s phone buzzed, it was Kristen, her therapist. Ellie had left CID and was sitting inside her car in the car park, anxiously awaiting the call.

“I know we only have fifteen minutes,” Ellie explained after exchanging initial phone pleasantries, “but I have two fairly urgent issues to discuss.”

“Let’s see how we do today, and we’ll try to get you scheduled for a proper appointment soon. What seems to be worrying you?”

Ellie launched into a hasty explanation of her nightmare concerns. Kristen was familiar with the circumstances, as was most of the southern coast of England, so Ellie didn’t have to rehash everything that had happened eight days prior, but she did attempt to explain without too much graphic detail.

“So, let me see if I understand,” Kristin was saying. You have nightmares if you sleep alone now, and the nightmares always end up with Warren Redmond shooting you in the head.”

“Yes, but first Alec dies, and _then_ Warren Redmond shoots me. And then I wake up, and I panic.”

Ellie’s eyes started to water just thinking about it, and she squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.

“Ellie, you’ve been through something very traumatic, and it’s not at all surprising that you would have nightmares. I’m going to give you a few short-term things you can try right away, and we’ll see if they help. First, make sure to de-stress before bed. Take a bath, light candles, do something that allows you to be calm and relaxed.”

“I can do that. That sounds quite nice, actually.”

“Good. Next, I want you to visualize an alternate ending for your dream. If you don’t know what that ending is right now, I want you to think about it, and write it down later. So, what you’ll be doing is essentially rewriting your dream with an ending that’s far preferable to the one you have now. Then read it to yourself and visualize it before you go to bed. Does that make sense?”

“I think so, yes.”

“Great.” Kristen paused and Ellie imagined she was checking the time. By her own calculations, she had about five minutes left. “Now, what was the second issue?”

Ellie sighed deeply before describing the declaration of love she and Alec had shared, and the intense loneliness and isolation she now seemed to feel when she wasn’t with him.

“It’s not that strange,” Kristin explained. “He’s the only person who truly understands what you went through that day. And the fact that you endured this experience together has bound you to him in a way that transcends any feelings you have for him otherwise. And then there’s the fact that you both _literally_ saved each other’s lives. That creates a uniquely intense bond that might be challenging to separate from your romantic feelings for him.”

“I asked him to move in with me,” Ellie blurted out, suddenly doubtful of everything.

“Ah,” said Kristen, after a momentary pause. “Ellie, you two don’t have a traditional relationship. So very many of our meetings in the past year or so have dealt with your feelings for Alec and how confused you were about them all.”

“I don’t feel the least bit confused about them anymore.”

“Maybe not, but have you been on a date with him, or even been out in public as a couple?”

“Well, no, but we’ve spent so much time together at work, and everyone sees us together all the time.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“I suppose not.”

"Have the two of you been intimate?”

Ellie felt her face flush involuntarily.

“Um, not yet. His injuries are too extensive. But we’ve talked about it. We both, uh, _want_ that. We just have to wait a bit.”

“Ellie, I’m not about to tell you what you should do. It would seem to make sense for him to stay with you during his recovery, since it sounds like he needs someone to look after him, and it doesn’t seem like he has anyone else to do that for him. But after that, you may want to at least consider trying a few more traditional “dating” conventions before you decide on immediate cohabitation.”

Ellie didn’t respond, and waited for Kristin to continue.

“You also may need to practice being _without_ him before deciding you want to be _with_ him, if that makes sense.”

Strangely, it did. 

\------------------

The last time Ellie’s phone buzzed was much, much later. In fact, it was technically the next day. Ellie had taken Kristen’s advice and taken a luxurious bubble bath after putting Fred to bed and saying goodnight to Tom. Afterward, she sat down and reimagined the end of her dream, which had Warren Redmond disappearing into thin air, and she and Alec slow dancing in the forest while waiting for the helicopter to arrive, his gunshot wound magically healed.

Satisfied with her fantasy ending, she read the dream out loud, then turned the light off while trying to keep the image of the reimagined dream in her head. She lay for a bit with her eyes closed, wondering if rewriting her dream would ironically keep her awake. The amount of time she was devoting to just _thinking_ about the dream seemed to diminish the possibility that she would be sleeping at all.

She was contemplating this possibility when her phone buzzed.

“Why on earth are you awake now?” she grumbled into the phone, both thrilled to hear from him and mildly concerned that he would be calling at such a late hour.

“I think we should go to Disney World,” Alec said, matter-of-factly.

“What?”

“Wanna take you to Disney World.”

“Are you serious?”

“’Course I’m serious.”

“This is why you’re calling me past midnight, from the fucking hospital?”

“Yeah. Want you to have new memories. With me.”

“Are you still high on pain meds?”

“Nah, m' fine.”

“Obviously.”

“Pshaw, I’m extremely _lucid,_ ” he drawled.

“Right. You’re _lucidly_ calling me in the middle of the night to talk about bloody Disney World – the ‘happiest place on earth’. It’s so anti-everything Alec Hardy. You’d have to be pretty far gone to even consider it.”

Ellie chuckled outright at the thought.

“Nah, not true…” he protested, mildly offended.

“God, you would absolutely _hate_ it!”

“You don’t know that.”

“Alec, there are smiley people everywhere, noisy, snot-nosed kids running around, and syrupy music playing at all times. And rides with very long lines. And bloody mouse ears. And Americans. Lots and lots of Americans.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“No, I loved it madly. But you’d _despise_ it.”

“But I’d go there if it made you happy. And we’d take the boys.”

Ellie found herself unable to speak for a moment, and wiped away the solitary tear that slid down her cheek. 

“This is both the stupidest and sweetest conversation I’ve ever had.”

“We’ll all go, then?”

“Tom may be a bit too old for it, but Fred would love it. He was barely more than a baby when we went the first time, and he doesn’t remember it at all.”

“See? Perfect.”

“Alec, you’re very sweet, but can we talk about it some other time, when it’s not past midnight, and you’re in your right mind? Are you even supposed to be talking on the phone?

“Don’t see why not.”

“Because it’s the middle of the night, and you’re supposed to be resting.”

“Everyone keeps saying that,” he scoffed.

“By ‘everyone’, you mean…?”

“You. The doctors. The nurses. Jenkinson.”

“Jenkinson?”

“Uh huh. She called me.” He giggled, which was a sound Ellie rarely heard, and it made her heart flutter. “Guess she was worried when I threw up in her office yesterday and when she saw some little article in the paper today.”

“Ah.”

Ellie found herself holding her breath momentarily, but Alec seemed unfazed.

“She said there was a picture of me, and I looked like shit. Said she was glad I was back in the hospital so I couldn’t do anything reckless.”

“That _is_ always a concern with you. Stubborn git.”

She probed a bit further.

“Did Jenkinson say anything else about the picture or the article?”

“Hmmmm.” Alec seemed to be working extra hard to concentrate. “Umm, don’t think so.”

Ellie’s relief was palpable. That was one less upsetting variable. She knew the issue would arise later, but now was definitely not the time for it. Although she wasn’t sure he could be upset by _anything_ in his current state of medicated bliss.

“I miss you,” he said, yawning. “Been thinking about you all day. Love to hear your voice. It’s lavender.”

“What?”

“Your voice. It sounds like lavender.”

“The color? My voice is a color?”

“Mmhmm. It’s soothing.”

“That’s a very interesting observation.”

“But when you’re mad, your voice is a different color.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mmhmm. It’s bright orange.” He giggled again. “Like your coat.”

Ellie burst out laughing despite herself.

“You’re flying so high right now,” she said, “but you’re quite lovely, Alec Hardy.”

“I think _you’re_ lovely, Ellie Miller.”

“I know,” she grinned, “you called and told me earlier. In fact, I think you told everyone.”

“The world needs to know.”

She chuckled dryly.

“Today, maybe. Tomorrow may be another story.”

“Every day.” He yawned again, and Ellie could tell he was starting to drift.

“Whatever you say, love,” she said, humouring him. “I need to go to sleep now, and so do you.”

“Hmm. ’K. Love you.”

“I love you, you ridiculous man.”

Another gentle tear slipped from the corner of her eye.

“Sweet dreams, Ellie,” he said, voice fading.

“ _I certainly hope so_ ,” she whispered, jabbing the ‘end call’ button.

That night, Ellie didn’t have a nightmare – in fact, she didn’t dream of Warren Redmond at all. 

Instead, Ellie’s dream was of Alec Hardy wearing Mickey Mouse ears, with Fred tucked under his arm, determinedly scowling as animatronic characters repeatedly sang “It’s A Small World” in five different languages.

It was a very good dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this chapter. ;-) I hope everyone is staying safe and sane despite the insanity all around us. Peace to us all.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and conversations upon Alec's (second) release from A&E.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so, so difficult. The beginning of this year has been so challenging in America - let's hope we're on our way to better things now. Peace. <3
> 
> There was a lot that needed to happen in this chapter without a great deal of 'action', and my disjointed brain had trouble stringing it all together. I hope it all makes sense.

When Ellie went to pick up Alec after his overnight stay in the hospital, the conversation with the doctor was _interesting_ , to say the least. The doctor had suggested that Alec not do much of anything other than resting and relaxing for a few days.

“He’ll just have to curtail his wild lifestyle,” Ellie deadpanned, and the doctor’s face registered mild alarm. 

“Oh, no,” she quickly added, “I’m completely joking. He leads whatever the absolute polar opposite of a wild lifestyle is called.”

“Right,” the doctor said, obviously relieved, but still amused. He had leaned a bit toward her then, speaking to her in hushed tones.

“I’m serious, though. It’s concerning that he came in yesterday with more injuries than he left with a few days ago.”

Ellie hung her head in shame, but the doctor’s next words kept her from wallowing there.

“Just try to hold off on any more visits from his ex-wife, eh?”

Ellie’s head snapped up.

“He told you about that?”

The doctor smiled knowingly.

“Oh, he told me a great many things, but yes, he did tell me about that. And I must also admit to having seen the article in yesterday’s _Examiner_.”

Ellie’s eyes widened in panic.

“Don’t worry,” he said, placing a reassuring hand on her arm, “I didn’t say anything to him about the article. We’re trying to _avoid_ stress, remember?”

Ellie nodded with relief, and the doctor smiled kindly before continuing.

“All I can say is this: if the person who wrote that article had been in the room with him yesterday, the article would never have been written – at least, not with that specific angle.”

“Oh? Why do you say that?”

“Well,” he explained, “the article implies a ‘love triangle’, but DI Hardy has clearly already made his choice.”

Ellie felt a rush of heat to her face, and she was certain she was turning a brilliant shade of red. The doctor arched an eyebrow, his eyes twinkling somewhat mischievously.

“And just so you know, anyone who came in contact with him yesterday is also aware of his choice.”

Ellie swallowed hard.

“Everyone?”

“Everyone.”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.”

The doctor chuckled and waved off her apology.

“It was actually strangely entertaining, and the shift nurses were all quite charmed.”

Ellie’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Not what you expected from your partner?” the doctor asked with a wry grin.

“Not at all. Bit out of character for him. He’s not usually so, uh, _open_ about his feelings.”

The doctor nodded his understanding.

“Well, to be honest, it probably had a great deal to do with the fact that he wasn’t in pain. The stress his body had been under was immense – and removing pain from the equation resulted in a giddiness that isn’t the least bit surprising, under the circumstances.” His friendly smile was tinged with good humour. “And yes, with strong pain medication, there is often – well, there can be a ‘filter removal’ that I’m sure you’re now quite aware of.”

Ellie nodded, trying to suppress a grin, which quickly disappeared when the doctor presented her with a printed itemized checklist. She quickly glanced at the list, which included all the aspects of Alec’s care they had so miserably failed at the first time Alec had been released from the hospital.

“I can’t predict how your experience will be _this_ time,” he said. “He’s pretty worn out, but still a bit of a wild card. You may have to fight to keep him in bed, or he may sleep for days. Don’t be surprised either way – but don’t hesitate to call if you have questions.”

Ellie took it all in, nodding her understanding. The doctor plucked a piece of lint off his jacket and fixed her with a meaningful stare.

“As much as we enjoyed DI Hardy’s company and hearing _all_ about you,” he said, “we would really prefer not to see him again any time soon.”

She left with a sincere promise to ensure all checklist items were regularly fulfilled. After all, the medical staff may not have wanted to see Alec again at A&E, but she was certain both she and Alec were far less interested in seeing them.

\------------------------

At home in her bed, Alec slept for nearly twenty-four hours straight. 

Ellie wasn’t sure if this was terrifying or comforting and called the doctor twice to ease her own fears. Upon hearing his calming reassurance, she settled for watching Alec sleep. 

At times, she watched his chest rise and fall, as she had done during the frightening events of a week earlier, when she had been so afraid each breath would be his last. Now, for the most part, his sleep was still and silent, and she was soothed by the regular rhythm of his quiet breathing. 

A few times, however, he tossed and thrashed in her bed, actively dreaming. She listened to the incoherent, almost feverish mumbling of his dreams, occasionally hearing her own name among a myriad of other unintelligible words. It was alarming, certainly, but it was preferable to the lengthy periods of quiet, when her own thoughts were so noisy that she was almost sure they would wake him.

She struggled valiantly to keep Fred from the bedroom. He clearly couldn’t understand why Uncle Alec was in his house, sleeping in his mum’s room, and he wasn’t allowed to visit.

“What if he’s dead?” Fred had asked, quite seriously. Tom had looked alarmed at the question.

“You can’t say that, Fred!”

But Ellie waved Tom’s concerns away, answering calmly.

“He’s not dead, love. He’s just sleeping a lot.”

“But maybe if he knew I was there, he would wake up,” Fred had argued. He was convinced that Alec only ever came over to the Miller house to visit him. Ellie smiled gently.

“We don’t want him to wake up until he’s ready to. He’s healing, and it’s easier for his body to do that when he’s asleep.”

“But I want him to read my new Dog Man book with me.”

“Uncle Alec will be here for a while, even after he wakes up. He can read it with you then.”

That had seemed to placate Fred temporarily, and he had let the subject drop for a few hours before bringing it up again at bedtime. 

“Is he awake _now_ , Mummy?” he had asked as he climbed into bed for reading time.

“Not yet, love,” she had answered, working hard on disguising the quiver in her voice.

And he asked again in the morning before school, after Ellie had spent a restless night listening to Alec’s breathing while futilely attempting to sleep. 

“Mummy, can I kiss Uncle Alec good morning? Maybe that will help him wake up.”

Ellie paused to think for a moment. Ultimately, she saw no harm in allowing her son this gesture, especially if it seemed it might at all ease his anxiety. 

She put her finger to her lips, took him by the hand, and led him to her room, where Alec lay, still sleeping quietly. Fred looked up at Ellie for permission, and when she nodded, he placed a quick kiss on Alec’s forehead.

“Uncle Alec,” he whispered, “I wish you would wake up before I’m done with school today.”

Ellie wiped away silent tears as she led Fred from the room.

\---------------

Alec woke up early that afternoon.

Ellie had come back upstairs after starting a load of laundry to find him blinking into the dim filtered light of the bedroom. 

“You - you’re – you’re awake,” she said unnecessarily, her heart seeming to stutter with her words.

“Aye,” he responded, his voice husky and graveled with sleep and disuse. 

She stared, and her feet felt glued to the floor where she stood. He eyed her blearily.

“You seem surprised,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Did you not expect me to wake, then?”

His question seemed to snap her out of her momentary trance, and she went to sit on the bed next to him.

“I did expect you to wake up,” she said, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “ _Yesterday_.”

His eyebrows raised in question.

“You’ve been asleep here in my bed since this time yesterday _._ Literally twenty-four hours ago. So yes, I’m bloody surprised to see you awake. And quite relieved as well, thank you very much.”

“Wait, it’s _tomorrow_?”

“I’m not sure how to answer that. Today is always today.”

“I slept for an entire day?”

“You did. And a night. And part of another day.”

“Oh.” He rubbed at his eyes again with the back of his hand. “Didn’t mean to.”

“’Course not.”

She looked him over. For the past week, his face had taken on a pale grey pallor, but now some color had returned, and his cheeks were almost rosy.

“You look a bit better,” she said, smoothing his unruly hair.

“Can’t imagine that’s saying much.”

“No, but I’ll take whatever I can get,” she said, chuckling. “By the way, Fred will be so happy you’re awake. He’s been pestering me since last night. He actually thought I might be hiding your dead body in my bedroom.”

“Oh. Hmm.” He wasn’t yet awake enough to formulate any sort of coherent response to this information.

“He was relentless,” Ellie continued.

“What did you tell him?”

“Well, this morning before school, Fred asked if he could come in and kiss you good morning, so I brought him in quietly and let him give you a kiss on your forehead. It was ridiculously sweet. He told you he wished that you would wake up before he came home from school.” She laughed again. “You are proof that wishes can come true.” She swallowed hard. 

Alec could barely speak through the lump in his throat.

“Well done, wee Fred,” he said softly.

Ellie shook her head in mock consternation.

“It’s never a dull moment with you, Alec Hardy.”

“I’m hoping it will be, at some point.”

Ellie smiled that broad, genuine smile that made her face glow through the bedroom’s low light, and Alec responded with a reflexive smile of his own.

She grabbed his hand and covered it with both of hers.

“I have things to tell you. Later, though. You’ve just awakened from your hibernation.”

She looked him over, noting with fondness his particularly disheveled hair and rumpled gray tee shirt. His eyes were clearer and more alert than she had seen them in a week.

“How are you feeling, by the way? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you need anything?”

He blinked up at her, overwhelmed by the choices. She smiled again and brushed an eyelash from his cheek.

“I’ve been sternly instructed to make certain you are nourished, hydrated, medicated, well-rested, and stress-free.”

His eyes widened.

“That’s quite the list.”

“It literally _is_ a list,” she sniffed, indignantly. “The doctor gave me a bloody printed _checklist_ to make sure we did it right this time. I’m under strict orders to manhandle you if try to leave this bed.”

The corners of Alec’s mouth turned faintly upward.

“That would be a lot more fun in a completely different context.”

She fixed him with a level gaze.

“You must be feeling somewhat better if you’re making cheeky comments without the aid of strong pain medication.”

His face reddened slightly, but his smile was coy.

“I may be a bit _indisposed_ , but I’m not _dead_.”

His smile grew a bit wider.

“No matter what Fred thinks.”

\----------------

Fred was not only beside himself with excitement to find out that Alec was awake, but he was certain that he was directly responsible for Alec awakening in the first place. He raced up the stairs, ready to burst through the bedroom door with wild abandon, but Ellie stopped him short, taking hold of his arm just before he reached the bedroom doorknob.

“You have to be careful, Freddy. Remember why Uncle Alec is here in the first place. If you jump on him, you’ll hurt him.”

“I won’t!” he protested, squirming.

“Listen to me!” she barked, grabbing both of his shoulders, and he looked up at her with large, impatient brown eyes, so much like her own.

“No jumping. No yelling. Okay?”

“Okay, Mummy. Can I go in now?”

When she nodded and released him, he was like a caged animal being set free. He shot into the bedroom, almost immediately forgetting the preset parameters.

“Uncle Alec, Uncle Alec!!”

Alec had been reading a mystery novel for the past hour or so, and when he saw Fred racing toward him he dropped his book, bracing for inevitable contact. But Fred seemed to regain some awareness of the situation, stopping just before he launched himself at Alec, shoving his knuckle into his mouth as if to remind himself not to shout.

“Hi there, wee Fred,” Alec said, taking off his reading glasses and placing them on the bedside table. Fred rocked back and forth on his toes.

“Uncle Alec, it was me! I made you wake up today!” he announced.

“So I hear. Thanks, lad.”

“Are you better now? Mummy said you slept so long because your body was healing.”

“Aye, that’s true. But it takes time, Fred. That’s why I have to be patient and rest a lot so I can heal some more.”

“Will you still be able to read with me, even though your body isn’t healthy yet? I got a new Dog Man book. It’s a chapter book!”

“’Course I will. You can bring it back at bedtime, and we’ll read it together. If that’s okay with your Mum. She may want to read it with you.”

“But you do better voices than Mummy does.”

Alec raised his eyebrows.

“You know she’s standing right over there, Freddy, eh?”

Ellie laughed and waved off the unintentional insult.

“It’s okay, I already know how he feels about that. I’ll lose out to you in the fun voice department every time.”

Alec still seemed offended on her behalf.

“You know, Fred, there are lots of things your mum does better than I do.”

“Like what?”

“Well, she takes care of people, for one. She’s brilliant at that.”

“Like me and Tom?”

“Yep.”

“And you, Uncle Alec?”

“Absolutely, Freddy. Your mum takes care better care of me than I do of myself.”

Ellie beamed at them both from the doorway.

\-------------

Later, after dinner and a bath, Fred padded into the bedroom in his pajamas, carrying his prized new Dog Man book. Alec patted the bed to his left (his good side), and Fred joined him, leaning up against the headboard next to him. They took turns reading to each other; Alec first made Fred read aloud, helped him with the difficult words, then rewarded him with goofy character voices, making Fred giggle and squeal with delight.

Ellie, concerned that it all might have been too much for Alec, periodically climbed the stairs and peeked in to monitor the situation – but her fears were alleviated when she saw Fred tucked in under Alec’s arm, holding his beloved book while either he or Alec read. Fred wore a smile that lit up his entire face. Alec was so involved that he didn’t seem to notice Ellie’s occasional check-ins.

Fred’s adoration of Alec never failed to take Ellie by surprise. Their sweet interactions had opened her eyes to a different side of her partner that few people had the opportunity to see, and she found it wildly attractive. She had also initially found it extremely confusing. In fact, she and her therapist had spent many a session discussing the cognitive dissonance caused by her youngest son’s hero worship of her notoriously grumpy boss. But now, after all that had happened in the past week or so, she found it oddly comforting, and she had to force herself away from the door and back downstairs to the waiting dinner dishes. 

Alec and Fred were spectacularly noisy for the better part of an hour (eliciting the occasional sigh or eyeroll from Tom), but Ellie had noticed that at some point the boisterous laughter had ceased, and she tiptoed upstairs to find out the reason for the prolonged period of quiet.

She found Fred tucked against Alec’s side, his head resting against Alec’s chest, fast asleep. Alec’s left arm was wrapped custodially around Fred’s shoulders, his reading glasses still perched on his nose, and he, too, was sound asleep. 

Ellie stopped in the doorway for a moment, her hand fluttering absently to her chest. The sight of Fred and Alec unconsciously tangled together sent warmth flooding throughout her body, and she fought the urge to simply let them remain as they were. However sweet the vision in front of her, it was also terribly impractical under the circumstances, and she knew Fred needed to be returned to his own bed.

Her first move was to pick up the book, which had fallen to the floor, then she gingerly removed Alec’s glasses, trying desperately not to wake him in the process. Moving Fred without waking Alec, however, was a bit more problematic. She tried to carefully extract Fred out from under Alec’s arm, but Alec shifted in his sleep and pulled Fred closer to him, emitting a guttural, protective growl. 

Ellie was both alarmed and amused by Alec’s subconscious vigilance. She lightly shook his shoulder and spoke to him gently.

“You can let him go, Alec. It’s okay, I’m just putting Fred to bed in his room.”

Alec twitched, then jerked awake, eyes wild and disoriented, muscles taut and tense, clutching Fred even more tightly to his side.

“Shhh,” Ellie soothed, stroking his hair. “You’re all right, love. Let me take Fred to bed, and I’ll be right back.”

He relaxed enough for Ellie to remove his shielding arm and pick Fred up. She then left Alec somewhere in the murky space between awake and asleep, and carried her sleeping son down the hall, depositing him delicately on his bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. Though Fred was dead asleep, she kissed his forehead and whispered endearments before returning to her bedroom, where she found Alec still only half-awake. She climbed onto the mattress next to him and spoke softly into his ear.

“Alec.”

“Hmm.”

“You awake?”

“Mmhmm.”

He looked at her with unfocused, half-lidded eyes, and she chuckled.

“I can see that you’re not, but that’s all right.” She ruffled his hair. “Poor Alec - done in by a children’s book.”

“Nah, m’ awake.”

“Good. Take these.”

She handed him his pills, then a glass of water from the bedside table, which he rotely and dutifully downed.

“I wanted to talk a bit, but since you’re barely conscious, it can wait until tomorrow.”

“’K, Ellie.”

She traced the edge of his beard with her finger. His eyes closed again, and he seemed to fully dissolve under her touch before falling back into the warmth of sleep.

She still found herself in occasional disbelief that it was Alec Hardy who had become so terribly important to her over the last few years - and had, or so it seemed, taken on even greater significance in the last week or so.

The two of them had many items to discuss, some of them frankly a bit terrifying. But for now, she was content to wait until tomorrow, buoyed by the image of Alec Hardy unconsciously shielding her youngest son against any unknown, unseen assailant. He had told her a week ago, as he lay weakened and bleeding on the forest floor, that he would protect her family no matter what – and here he was, doing just that, without even being aware of it.

Her detective’s brain told her that was exactly what she needed – hard evidence of his commitment to her family. 

And perhaps that hard evidence was what her heart had been waiting for all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I need one more chapter to tie things up. Stick with me. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Alec finally have an important conversation. Decisions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is officially the longest chapter I've ever written, but I'm pleased that it puts a satisfying end to this part of the story. I've struggled with this story more than any other I've written so far, but I'm quite happy with it overall. I hope you enjoy the final chapter!!

Ellie was sleeping soundly, her fingers intertwined with Alec’s, when, in the early morning hours, she was jolted awake by the restless motion and unintelligible murmurs of Alec’s dreams. She lay awake listening, attempting to determine if she should wake him, but, ultimately convinced he was having no nightmares, she decided to let his dreaming continue uninterrupted. 

Eventually, Alec’s movement quieted, and Ellie reclaimed his hand before falling back into her own dreamless sleep.

In the morning, Alec was still fast asleep when Ellie got up to make breakfast and see the boys off to school. Fred had been disappointed at another missed opportunity to see his hero and begged to take breakfast upstairs to Alec.

“Love, he’s not ready for breakfast. Remember, we have to be patient as he gets better.”

“But I want him to be better now.”

Tom snorted and rolled his eyes.

“You do know he got _shot_ , don’t you Fred?”

Ellie raised a disapproving eyebrow at him.

“Well he did, Mum!” protested Tom. 

“Yes, he did, but it doesn’t help to keep bringing it up!” She turned back to Fred. “We all want him to get better, love. I’m sure there’s nothing he wants more than that either. But the nicest thing we can do for Uncle Alec right now is to let him sleep when he needs to sleep, and to be there to help him when he wakes up.”

“But what if I’m at school when he wakes up?”

“Then I’ll be here to help him until you get back, just like yesterday.”

Fred glumly acquiesced, but still threw a hesitant glance toward the stairs, just in case. When Alec didn’t magically descend, Fred sighed his dismay and dejectedly set off on Tom’s heels for school.

\-----------

After seeing the boys off to school, Ellie took a stack of neglected paperwork upstairs, and parked herself on the bed next to the still-slumbering Alec. She leaned her back against the headboard and set to the laborious task of reviewing and signing off on each page. Alec would eventually have to do the same thing, but they had both been given generous extensions due to the circumstances.

Ellie had finished only a few pages when Alec began to stir, and she set her pile of papers off to the side and slid down against the headboard until she was lying next to him. She stroked his cheek as he groaned softly and his eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Good morning,” she said warmly, and her smile radiated the same warmth.

Alec grumbled, squinting into the light of Ellie’s bedside lamp, and shielded his eyes with his arm.

“Bright.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said, reaching to switch off the offending lamp.

Alec grunted something indistinguishable and yawned, his arm sliding away from his eyes. Ellie brushed his hair from his forehead, chuckling at his groggy incoherence. He turned his head to look at her, his eyes slowly beginning to focus on her face. His drowsy smile charmed her.

“Mornin’,” was all he could articulate at this early stage of wakefulness.

“Well, hello there,” she grinned, kissing him softly. “I’m quite glad to see you. I’ll go make you some tea and give you a bit of time to shake out the cobwebs.”

When she returned to hand him a steaming mug, he was sitting up, propped up against the headrest, cushioned by several pillows.

“How are you feeling?” she asked gently, taking a sip of her own mug. 

He contemplated the question, then gave a slight shrug.

“Maybe better? Not sure yet.”

“You only slept 13 hours this time,” she teased. “Not as much as of a layabout as you were yesterday, but still…”

He raised an eyebrow in response but said nothing.

“Hungry?” she prompted.

“Hmm. Could be. Ask me in a while.”

“Fred desperately wanted to bring you breakfast before he left for school this morning. He was quite put out that your timetable didn’t coincide with his.”

Alec sighed, but his eyes brightened.

“Poor wee lad. I’ll have to make it up to him.”

“He adores you, you know. I think he was officially the first of the Millers to succumb to your charms.”

Alec flashed her a lopsided grin.

“Well, seeing as how I have no charms, that’s quite the trick indeed.”

Ellie gave a short snort of laughter.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say you have _no_ charms. Let’s just say your charms are an acquired taste.”

“Well, I’m pleased that you seem to have acquired them.”

She giggled unintentionally, and Alec looked away, almost shyly.

“We’ve a great deal to talk about,” Ellie said. “I’ve been waiting days to have this conversation with you.”

Alec took a sip of his tea, then set his mug on the bedside table and folded his hands in his lap.

“Let’s talk then. I’m something of a captive audience.”

“Nope. You need to eat something first, or at least have one of those nutrition shakes.”

“Fine. Cereal maybe?”

She left the bedroom, returning a few minutes later with a bowl of cereal and a bottle containing a strangely colored drink.

“What is this?” Alec asked, frowning at the label on the drink container. 

“Electrolyte drink. I always have some handy.”

“This is for children.”

“Technically yes, but – “

“I’m not a bloody child.”

Ellie rolled her eyes.

“No, you’re not a child. At least, not _all_ the time.” Her hands went to her hips. “God’s sake, Alec. It’s meant for anyone who needs fluids replenished. Drink it and stop complaining.”

Alec glared at it but sipped it gingerly.

“Tastes like sugar,” he said, making a face.

“Tough. Drink it anyway. Do not even think of fighting me on this.”

She glowered at him, and he relented almost immediately.

“Fine,” he muttered, taking another sip.

“That’s more like it,” she said, sitting next to him on the bed. “Goddamn it, Alec, I’ve done nothing but worry about you for the past week. I will not allow you to sabotage your recovery again out of your own misplaced stubbornness.”

He nodded, taking a larger gulp of the drink to appease her. Her own nod signaled her grudging approval.

“That’s settled, then,” she said with finality, making it clear there would be no more room for argument.

\------------

It turned out Alec had something of an appetite after all, and he made short work of the cereal. 

“I think that’s the first time I’ve actually felt like eating since before – “

They both knew how the sentence ended.

“That’s a good sign,” Ellie said hurriedly, trampling over the unfinished thought that still hung in the air. “It’s also a good sign that you seem to have slept as much in the past few days as you have during all the years I’ve known you.”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

Ellie arched an eyebrow.

“Not at all. I think your poor, neglected body is trying to make up for all those years of sleep deprivation, all at once.”

Alec sighed deeply.

“You’re mocking me.”

“Yes, but not as much as you might think. Alec, in the years I’ve known you, you’ve been in so many various stages of ‘unhealthy’ because you’ve largely refused to take care of yourself. Now you’re sort of forced to.”

“By my own body.”

“Yes.” She smiled with a sweetness that belied her ferocity. “And by me.”

He mirrored her smile.

“Then I haven’t a chance.”

“No, you haven’t.”

She pulled her knees up to her chest.

“Alec, do you remember any of your dreams from the last few days?”

He thought for a moment.

“Not really. I remember only fuzzy, sort of nebulous shapes and colors. Kind of like a kaleidoscope.”

“Interesting. I heard you say my name a few times while you were dreaming, but nothing else made sense.”

He thought for another moment, looking at her intently.

“Maybe _you’re_ the only thing that makes sense. You’re my kaleidoscope.”

Ellie’s jaw dropped, and her hand self-consciously flew to cover her open mouth. She looked at him, surprised to find such intensity in his expression. 

“You keep saying you’re bad at this romance stuff, but I’m not sure I believe you,” she said, chuckling softly. “That’s some rather smooth talking there, Alec Hardy.”

“Is it?”

“You really don’t know, do you?”

He just stared at her blankly, and she shook her head in disbelief.

“Maybe that’s another facet to the Hardy charm: you’re terrible at romance when you’re trying to be good at it, but you’re good at it when you’re not even trying.”

Alec shrugged indifferently.

“Well, at least I’m capable of some success in that area. Tess would never believe it.”

“I’m sure there are a lot of things that Tess doesn’t really know about you.” Ellie cleared her throat, shifting gears. “Um, speaking of Tess…”

Alec’s eyebrow lifted in question. Ellie moved to her bedside table, pulling a 3-day old newspaper out of the drawer. She glanced at the article she had first read in the A&E waiting room, and hesitantly handed it to Alec.

“I found out about this right before you went into hospital again.” 

Alec found his glasses on the bedside table and skimmed the article wordlessly, narrowing his eyes as he read.

“Such rubbish!” he sputtered as he finished reading. He slapped the newspaper against the mattress, and his face reddened with anger. “How do journalists get away with publishing this horseshit that has no basis in fact? And how is this even _news_?”

Ellie realized she had been holding her breath and exhaled slowly. She put a hand on Alec’s arm.

“It doesn’t matter, love. None of it matters,” she said earnestly, then gave a short laugh. “But if it’s any consolation, public opinion seems to favor me over Tess. I myself had an encounter with a well-intentioned woman who told me she hoped you chose me, rather than Tess.”

“Why the bloody hell does anyone care about this?”

She took the article from him and pressed his hand between both of hers.

“Alec, you have to understand, we’re now the “Broadchurch heroes”, so people care about us in a way they didn’t before. It may be a bit intrusive, but it’s not terrible. Enough time has elapsed between Joe’s trial and now. People are actually _on our side_ , which is a nice change from five years ago.”

She squeezed his hand.

“Breathe, Alec.”

Alec shook his head in frustration.

“It’s nobody’s bloody business who I choose – I mean, who I _chose_. You know what I mean.”

She smiled kindly.

“I do know what you mean. And no, it may not be their business, but we do have to get used to the fact that they _think_ it’s their business. And that they care very much about the outcome.”

She took a deep breath and chose her words carefully.

“And because they care about the outcome, I think it’s only fair to tell you that there are a few people who are aware of the outcome already.”

“Right,” Alec said, nodding. “Tess. Daisy. Maybe Jenkinson.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure Jenkinson is not a ‘maybe’,” she said with a smirk.

“Fine. That’s three people. Not a big deal.”

She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb.

“It’s more than three,” she said, calmly.

He frowned.

“What do you mean? How would anyone else know?”

She inhaled slowly through her nose, then just as slowly exhaled.

“It seems you told more than a few people when you were at A&E.”

“I – wha – what?”

A crimson blush started to creep up his neck and cheeks.

“Apparently you told anyone who would listen – doctors, nurses, orderlies, other patients…” She laced her fingers with his. “And – “

“Oh god, there’s more?”

“There is,” she said, apologetically. “You called me while I was at CID. You wanted me to put you on speakerphone so you could tell the world of my great beauty.”

Alec’s look of horror was both humorous and heart wrenching. She smiled sympathetically.

“Don’t worry, I told you I was putting you on speakerphone, but I didn’t. Our colleagues didn’t hear everything _you_ said, but they heard everything I said in response.”

“Maybe they couldn’t tell.”

“They could tell. It was fairly obvious.”

“Christ.”

“It’s all right, Alec. It really doesn’t matter.” She cupped his cheek with her hand. “They’ll find out anyway, eventually. Who cares when?”

Alec ran his hand over his face and brooded silently. Ellie playfully jostled his thigh.

“Would it help you to know that you were utterly adorable when you were high on painkillers?”

“It would not.”

“Fine.” She kissed his cheek and stood up. “I’ll leave you to mope for a moment while I give our tea a warm-up. Do you need anything?”

“Other than abject humiliation?”

She rolled her eyes and left the room.

\-------------------

When Ellie returned with fresh tea, Alec apologized.

“I may have overreacted,” he said solemnly, clutching the mug for warmth.

“ _May have_?”

“Right. Point taken.”

“It’s fine, Alec." She took a deep breath. "But I do need to talk to you about something else.”

“Okay. We seem to be covering _all_ the topics this morning.” He looked at her intently, placing his mug on the bedside table. “What is it?”

“Well,” she started hesitantly, “do you remember the other day when I asked if you wanted to move in here, with me?”

“’Course I do, how could I forget?”

She looked at him, her eyes filled with uncertainty and something resembling remorse.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m reconsidering. I’m not sure it’s the right thing for us right now.”

Alec audibly sighed and fixed her with an intense stare. His deep brown eyes were filled with so many conflicting emotions that it was almost impossible for Ellie to identify a single one.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, looking away. “It’s not because I don’t want to be with you. It’s quite the opposite, actually. The problem is, Alec, I want to be with you _too much_. Since, uh, _all this_ happened, I’ve had a hard time being away from you at all.”

He looked down at his hands resting in his lap, and she impulsively grabbed them and took them in her own.

“Listen to me,” she implored him, and he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Our relationship began during a tumultuous, trying time for both of us. We both have issues as a result, and I think we should deal with some of those issues before we jump into our life together.”

“That’s fair,” Alec admitted grudgingly, nodding slightly.

“Besides, we’ve never even gone on a proper date, much less, uh, _shagged_. We should probably do some of these things in a more, umm, _traditional_ order so we can be sure of – “

“I’m already sure,” he interjected. “I’ve been sure for years.”

She smiled sweetly, undeterred by the interruption.

“I know you are, love. So am I. That’s why I want to make sure we do this right – because I couldn’t bear to muck it up. Before last week, I had so many conflicting feelings about loving you. It may take a bit of time for my head to sort everything out.”

He nodded his understanding.

“I get it. I’ve had far more time to get used to being in love with you.”

“Exactly.” 

“So, what do we do?”

“Well, once you’ve recovered enough to be on your own, maybe we just have, dare I say, something resembling a _normal_ relationship? I know we both said we didn’t care about ‘normal’, but maybe it’s something we should attempt, just to see how it works for us.” She chuckled dryly. “And it certainly wouldn’t bother me to prove Tess wrong.”

The corners of Alec’s mouth turned slightly upward into a slight smirk.

“Nor me.”

They silently shared the smirk. Ellie lightly squeezed his fingers and continued her thought.

“Maybe we do things together that don’t involve work or someone trying to kill us. We integrate our lives more organically, rather than letting the circumstances dictate what we do next. Does that sound reasonable?”

“It does,” he said, nodding. “Ultimately, I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“It’s hard to believe it could be that easy. I’ve been worrying about this for days.”

He leaned forward to kiss her but winced at the movement and sank backward against the headboard, instead laying a hand on her knee.

“Ellie,” he said softly, “what you don’t understand is that I was completely convinced I would always love you without you ever knowing it, much less loving me in return. I knew you cared about me, and that was enough for me. But now, knowing that you actually _love me_ and want to be with me is nothing short of a bloody miracle.” 

“Really?” she breathed, her liquid brown eyes reflecting incredulous disbelief.

“Really.” His Scottish lilt soothed and reassured her. “I’m in this for the duration if you want me to be. There’s no other choice for me, lass.”

Her eyes filled with tears of relief.

“Thank goodness,” she said, touching her forehead to his. “I don’t know what I would have done had you responded any differently.”

“Well, I must not have been trying then, since I managed to say the right thing.”

The ferocity with which she kissed him proved that he had indeed said the right thing.

\--------------

Fred had spent all afternoon, from the moment he got home from school, sitting on the bed with Alec, telling him about school, his teacher, his friends, and the latest Spiderman movie.

He kept talking, even after Ellie came up to start the countdown to dinner.

“Fred, take a breath and go wash your hands for dinner.”

“But Mummy, I haven’t told Uncle Alec about my spelling test!“

“He’ll still be here after dinner, love. You can tell him then.”

Fred had been lying on his stomach next to Alec, but now he flipped over onto his back.

“Uncle Alec, why can’t you eat dinner with us?” he asked, grabbing Alec’s hand.

“Well, Fred, I’m sort of confined to this bed for a bit. Other than going to the loo, I’m kind of stuck right here.”

“But why?”

“Well, you remember how I got hurt in the first place, right?”

Fred nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah. A bad guy shot you, and it went all the way through your body.”

“Um, yes.” Alec cleared his throat. “Well lad, it takes a long time to get better after something serious like that. And then I went and made it worse by falling down at my house and hurting myself more. That’s why I’m back here again – so your mum can help me when I need it, and I won’t have to do things that make me fall or hurt myself all over again – like walking down the stairs for dinner.”

Fred thought about this for a moment.

“How long will it take you to get better?”

“Don’t know exactly, lad.”

“And then will you go back to your house?”

Alec met Ellie’s eye and she flashed him an apologetic smile.

“I will, Fred. Probably in a few days.”

“But I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here. Why can’t you just stay at our house forever?”

The question took Alec off guard, and he struggled to find an answer that would make sense to both of them.

“Because I live in my own house, lad.” 

“But I want you to live here.”

Alec sighed deeply.

“It’s not that easy, Freddy. Grownups have to think a lot before we make big decisions like moving house. We have to make sure our decisions are the best for everyone, and not just something that sounds like fun.”

“But what if it’s best for _me_?”

“But you’re just one person, Fred. It has to be best for your mum, too.” He grinned. “I think she’s most important.”

“Mummy doesn’t want you to live here?”

Alec looked at Ellie, who looked mildly horrified.

“Well, I can’t speak for your mum, but I don’t think that’s it.” 

He held up a hand to Ellie, who appeared poised to intervene at any second.

“You know your mum and I went through something really scary, and we both need time on our own to deal with it.”

“But won’t you be lonely and scared by yourself at your house?”

Alec thought for a moment.

“No, Freddy. When you care about people, just thinking about them keeps you company and makes you feel better. I could never be lonely because I have a houseful of Millers that I love.”

“But wouldn’t it just be easier if you were here and you could love us in person?”

Alec sighed. 

“Maybe easier, but what’s easier isn’t always right. The truth is, wee Fred, that you and your mum and your brother are _so, so_ special that I need lots of practice – so that if I ever do live here, I’ll already be really good at loving you in person.”

“Practice?”

“Yeah, lad. Practice for the future.”

“Oh, okay!” 

He threw his arms around Alec’s neck and sloppily kissed his cheek.

“I’m going to wash my hands now!” he announced, and ran from the room.

Ellie’s smile was the widest and brightest that Alec had ever seen. She made her way over to the bed, sat down next to him, and immediately pressed her lips against his, kissing him slowly and possessively. The kiss left him breathless and a bit dazed.

“What was that for?” he asked, with his heart pounding, and eyes glazed.

Ellie stroked his cheek with her fingertips.

“Practice,” she said, kissing him again. “Practice for the future.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I kind of love where this story is right now (and I'm not ready to give it up!) I have one more story to write in this series. :-)
> 
> Please let me know if you enjoyed my story. I respond to all comments! <3


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